Then… and Now—Ten Months of Parenting Make You Wiser (And Lazier)

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Mark, August 2013

Mark, August 2013

Parenting is both an art and a science, a tough job you get zero training for. And no, nine months of pregnancy and copious (and mostly unwanted) advice from strangers don’t really help because each baby is different.

You learn, though, because you don’t have a choice. You adapt too.

And then one day you look back and you realize how much things have changed. There is “then”… and there is “now”. Yes, ten months of parenting make you wiser (and slightly lazier)!

THEN: Oh no, Mark is crying! Damn, I wish I had one of these baby cry analyzers, that would help me figuring out what’s wrong.

NOW: Meh, I know why he is crying. I just took away the shoe he was chewing on.

 

THEN: Must wash hands thoroughly before touching my little bundle of joy.

NOW: Must wash Mark thoroughly before letting him touch me—not sure where his hands have been!

 

THEN: I change Mark as soon as I spot a stain on his clothes.

NOW: If it ain’t poop, I’m not changing his shirt. It’s just food/dirt/unidentified stuff!

 

THEN: “Mama… mama… mama…” This is so cute. I could listen to him all day long. My son, calling me!

NOW: What did the big guy say already? Oh yeah, something along the lines of “Thou shalt not take the name of the mother thy Goddess in vain”. Hear that, Mark?

 

THEN: “Good job Mark! I’m so proud of you, standing up like a big boy!”

NOW: For fuck’s sake, can you sit in the bathtub? Just like, five minutes?

 

THEN: I am afraid to leave Mark with people other than Feng and I because Mark may not handle it well.

NOW: I am afraid to leave Mark with friends or family because I know how tiring Mark can be.

 

THEN: I can’t wait for him to crawl, babble, interact with his toys!

NOW: Mark, come here. Mark, please, don’t touch the wires. Mark, stop throwing the cubes across the room. Mark, did you get stuck under the table again? Mark, please, just stay still for a second!

 

THEN: You do think he is old enough to eat baby cookies? Or try pureed apple? Do you think his stomach can handle pieces of banana?

NOW: Meh. He eats dirt and God-knows-what-else at the playground. I’m sure he is fine with grownup food. Mark, if you let me eat my sushi, I’ll give you some tofu and avocado.

 

THEN: I feel guilty when I think I haven’t done my “mommy job” well. Cannot relax until Mark is fed, has slept, has played, etc.

NOW: Who wants to take him for a while? *I* need to eat, sleep and play!

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About Author

French woman in English Canada. World citizen, new mom, traveler, translator, writer and photographer. Looking for comrades to start a new revolution.

11 Comments

  1. Ok, I don’t have kids, but this seems spot-on and is really, really funny! I love your writing and am a big fan of the blog 🙂

    (Here’s hoping I get through your spambot thingy!)

  2. Yeah, I wasn’t able to comment on your last article because of the spambot.

    I also love you witty writing. This was one post I didn’t want to end.

  3. So real! I hate to admit this but it is spot on true! but I still am proud of his little milestones. They just get so active and so noisy like they just can’t stop babbling. There are times when you just have to take a break for a while. But I do believe that these times should be cherished because you can never hit the rewind button if you think you missed anything.

    • This is so true. I try to remind myself that they grow up fast… even though some days, it feels like we are stuck in a “gosh-this-is-hard” phase forever!

  4. I giggled all the way through this especially the bit about the bath! Look on the bright side before you know it he’ll be old enough to refill your class of Chablis while your nail polish dries! 😉

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