Nothing Says “I Love You” Better Than A Dildo, Bank Street, Ottawa

The other day, I was shopping at Herbs & Spice, a food store on Bank Street. I walked out carrying heavy bags and in a hurry to go back home, and fell face to face with this sign from the shop next door, Wilde’s: “Nothing says ‘I love you’ better than a dildo”.

I was sort of taken aback for a second, then it made me giggle like a schoolgirl. Probably the bluntness of the sign mixed with the expectation of corny family-friendly ads for the holiday season. Or my weird French mind—who knows!

I actually went back there on Saturday to snap the picture—I was relieved the sign was still there!

Related posts:

1. Picture of the Week: The Contortionist
2. Picture of the Week: The Drummers
3. Picture of the Week: Fender Bender

Open 24 Hrs — It’s always Time To Shop!

Okay, we get it, the economy sucks. Every single day we are bombarded with stories of people losing their jobs, houses being repossessed and unhappy employees because “in this kind of economy, you don’t complain if you have a job in the first place”.

But at the same time, Christmas shopping is underway in most parts of North America and a lot of consumers took advantage of Black Friday and Cyber Monday deals.

So, how to not become poor in Canada? How to manage your money smartly?

Here are ten useful tips.

Get familiar with local products – Thanks to globalization, newcomers to Canada will likely be familiar with some brands sold here. Yet, a lot will be totally new. I strongly recommend you to adapt to local brands and products as soon as you can for two main reasons: first, foreign brands and imported products are typically more expensive; second knowing the prices of local products will help you budget in the long run.

Pack your lunch – You can never go hungry in Canada. There are fast-foods, restaurants, cafés and food courts everywhere and grabbing something on the go is always easy—easier than packing lunch, that is. But even though your daily $5 lunch may sounds cheap, it adds up. Besides, eating out all the time isn’t usually good for your waistline. Do yourself a favour and pack your lunch most days of the week to save both money and time at the gym later on.

Use your credit card wisely – You will need a credit card sooner or later to build your credit history, make online purchases etc. Credit cards are great financial tools but learn to use them wisely, especially if it’s your first one. Always pay the balance in full at the end of the month, don’t apply for too many cards and track your spending to avoid a big surprise when receiving your monthly statement.

Use cash – Most Canadian pay with debit or their credit card because it’s very convenient. However, bank fees can add up and it’s easy to lose track of how much you spend. A few years ago, I decided to withdraw a fixed sum every two weeks (usually between $200 and $300) to pay for all of my purchases, minus gas and monthly bills. I definitely spend less this way and I always know exactly how much money I have left for these miscellaneous purchases.

Monitor your bank fees – Bank fees can really add up. For credit cards, compare their perks wisely: some are free while others have an annual fee (usually between $30 and $100). It may be worth paying the fee if the card offers interesting rewards. Otherwise, stick with the cards with no annual fee. Make sure you select a banking package that fits your need: most banks offer up to ten transactions at no fee and then charge about 50 cents for each transaction. If you use debit a lot, pick a package with unlimited transactions. Finally, make sure to withdraw money at your bank’s ATMs, otherwise a service charge may apply.

Consider shopping in the U.S. – Even though the US dollar and the Canadian dollar are almost at par, Canadian prices are sometimes ridiculously higher than south of the border. Typical example: books. I usually buy them from Amazon.com. Even after shipping fees, it works out to be cheaper than buying them in Canada.

Resist social pressure – In North America, consuming is almost seen as a patriotic thing to do—yes, you’re helping the economy! But for your wallet’s sake, learn to resist social pressure and marketing tricks. For instance, the year is an uninterrupted series of events to celebrate: Thanksgiving, Halloween, Christmas, Boxing Day, Valentine’s Day, etc. You certainly don’t have to splurge every time. Similarly, new needs are constantly created by marketing campaign. For instance, while I encourage newcomers to buy a warm winter coat, most of us living south of Nunavut do not need a $700 parka designed for Arctic expeditions. Especially if you live in Toronto.

Learn to negotiate – If you are a good customer, take advantage of it and negotiate. For instance, when I switched bank, I made sure the new bank waived all banking fees for a year. It never hurts to ask for perks and special offers. Competition is stiff and good customers can sometimes be rewarded.

Take advantage of reward cards – Before the program changed for the worse, I had a free Shopper Optimum card and regularly got $5 or $10 off my purchases, with little to no efforts. I now have a Scene card and I regularly get free movie tickets just by using my debit card. Figure out what reward program works for you and take advantage of the perks!

Do you have any money tips for newcomers to Canada? How do you save money here?

Related posts:

1. How To Bank in Canada (4/10)
2. A Nation Under Debt
3. How to Avoid… Banking Scams

Parliament Hill on a Map, Ottawa

When I’m abroad, I’m sometimes asked where in Canada I live exactly. Unfortunately, I’m usually only prompted with three choices: Vancouver, Toronto or Montreal (the latter is only if the person I’m talking to detected a hint of French accent). Apparently, a lot of people are convinced Canada is a large piece of ice attached to the U.S.A with a couple of civilized cities, one of the East Coast and one on the West Coast.

“I live in Ottawa,” I reply. “The capital.”

That’s usually when I have to explain that neither Toronto nor Vancouver are the capital of Canada (I bet Australians or Brazilians also have to do the same about Sydney or Rio de Janeiro—I sympathize).

“Where is Ottawa?”

“About a two-hour drive south of Montreal and a four-hour drive north of Toronto.”

Their face light up. “Ah, so you are close to Montreal and Toronto!”

Yes, we live close to the civilized world. But Ottawa is a bona fide city, the fourth largest in the country with almost 1 million residents.

If by any chance the person I’m talking too has heard of Ottawa, they usually feel sorry for me. “Ottawa? But why not Toronto or Vancouver?”

Come on guys. Ottawa does not suck!

It’s funny how popular capital-bashing is in the new world: Australians with Canberra, Americans with Washington DC etc. The old world usually have capital envy—French may not like Parisians but most acknowledge that Paris is somewhat of an exciting place to be.

A lot of Canadians seem to be prejudiced against their nation capital because they associate it to the federal government. Indeed, the government is the biggest employer in the region and you really can’t forget it: there are ministries everywhere and Parliament Hill dominates the downtown core. That said, Ottawa has other employers too, including technology companies and the health sector. The federal government does not rule our lives more than the private sector does in other cities. And while civil servants do enjoy job security, it’s really stereotypical to claim they are all entitled, boring and lazy. Oh, and by the way, a lot of people in Canada actually claim that people in Toronto are just a bunch of soulless snobby suits trying to look important. See: stereotypes go both ways.

Ottawa is also viewed as a conservative WASP middle-class city. There is some truth to it. Since a lot of people are civil servants, they enjoy a degree of job security those working for the private sector may not have. Salaries in the government aren’t bad either, and you can easily be “middle-class” when both partners work for the government. People who no not worry that much about losing their job tend to have more disposable income and they are quick to buy a house and have kids. I find it both fascinating and scary to see twenty-something, barely out of their teens, buying property in the ‘burbs because they just became civil servant after their Bac or Master and are starting a long career in the government.

Now, is Ottawa conservative? The current government certainly is, but again it was elected by Canadians so it would be wrong to say Ottawa is particularly conservative. I’m really split on that one. As for multiculturalism, Ottawa reflects the diverse Canadian population: 25% of the residents are born outside Canada.

The rest of the complaints revolves around how bad Ottawa drivers are (funny, we say the same thing about Montreal and Montreal says the same about Toronto…); how bad the winters are (but again, we feel lucky compared to Montreal and Montreal feels lucky compared to Northern Québec etc.); how bad the hockey team is (… yeah, okay, this year the Sens suck); how boring people are etc. Nothing really constructive.

There are plenty of things that drive me crazy in Ottawa. Public transit in general and OCTranspo in particular, some poor urban planning, the “not in my backyard” mentality, the way some think there is no future outside working for the government…

But there are plenty of upsides of living in the capital too. For instance, Ottawa is the cheapest big city in which to live in Canada. Housing is still affordable here and so is gas, groceries etc. The crime rate is very low and while some people (who probably haven’t traveled much) will tell you that Rideau is a rough place, I feel very safe everywhere I go. There is also a lot to do in Ottawa, from cultural sights (many museums, the Parliament etc.) to outdoors activities (boating on the Canal in the summer, skating on it in the winter).

Overall, I’m pretty happy to live in Ottawa. I can’t say it was love at first sight but I grew to like it. It has upsides and downsides like any other place but if you can make it work for you, it turns out to be a great city.

It’s funny that city-bashing is such a popular sport in Canada… a country where we don’t have that many cities to start with!

Related posts:

1. 5 More Things My Mum Observed in Canada
2. Picture of the Week: Occupy Ottawa, a Month Later
3. 5 Things Canada Taught Me

Rideau Centre, Ottawa, 2011

All summer long, I bumped into canvassers wearing emblazoned binders and vests with the logo of the charity they were working for. “Do you have a minute for the environment?” some ask plaintively. “I don’t bite, come closer!” others plead.

I stopped for Greenpeace once. The perky canvasser briefly explained me what the organization was standing for and asked me to sign up for a monthly donation. “Now?” I said. “Yep. I’ll take your credit card number and I’ll set you up.”

I looked around me. I was in the middle of Rideau Street chatting with a perfect stranger. No, sorry, I’m not giving you all my personal information. I’m not committing to automatic monthly withdrawals for a year or two—or more. I don’t even have a cell phone plan precisely because I do not want a long-term commitment! Give me the charity’s website and I’ll check it out online. And I can even meet you another day just as long as I have time to make a decision.

The canvasser didn’t see it that way. As soon as I was done talking, he gave me a piece of his mind. “You’re wasting my time. There is nothing on the website that I can’t tell you.” He pointed at my camera. “How much money do you spend on yourself? Really, you can’t afford a $20 or even a $15 monthly donation? What is it to you? A few drinks at Starbucks?”

I try to be a decent human being. I’ve had shitty jobs too. So I usually smile and say something along the lines of “not today, sorry”. But that time, I was so annoyed by his lame guilt-tripping tricks that I just walked away and vowed to never give a dime to Greenpeace (which is, in retrospect, a stupid reaction).

Lately, I’ve realized that one of the lines I used the most these days is “not today, sorry”. Just about everywhere I go, I’m being asked for a donation.

And the charity market seems oversaturated.

There are charity events at work, either in the form of friendly competitions or sales. There are canvassers in front of the supermarket, and even inside. When I pay for my groceries, the cashier often asks if I want to add a few dollars to my bill for whatever charity. And when I come home, I have to sort through charitable lotteries admail, dodge telemarketer calls and door-to-door canvassers.

I know it’s a tough time for charities. The worse the economy is, the worse these guys have it and chances are, the higher the need for giving is. Yet I simply can’t spend my days making donations. Sorry.

On top of that, I come from a culture that apparently is at the bottom of charitable giving: France. Honestly, I can’t remember being solicited that much in France. But I came to realize that individual charitable giving is a cultural fact of life in North America. Maybe it is because the U.S. (the leading country in term of charitable giving) does not have the same level of government assistance and social services that most European countries do. People are used to help each other rather than count upon the omnipotent state. Family ties also tend to be looser in North America: people move around quite a lot and it’s common to have families spread over several states or provinces. Finally, a lot of people here also consider the practicalities of charitable giving—i.e. the potential tax deduction that comes with it.

Unfortunately there is another ugly counterpart to charitable giving: “slacktivism”. The term encompasses all the “feel-good” measures to support a cause that don’t actually do much but make the “slacktivist” satisfied. A perfect example would be those who spend hours changing their Facebook status to the cause du jour to “raise awareness”.

The other day, at the supermarket, the only mushrooms available were sold in a pink container, in support of breast cancer research. I hate to be cynical, but between pink tampons, pink Barbies, pink KFC buckets (!) etc. I can’t help thinking the pink ribbon campaign has become a way to advertise products and turn buyers into involuntary slacktivists. And a lot of these companies only give a mighty few cents for the cure, but yet ride the PR campaign.

There is no right or wrong way to pick a charity, but I usually give to the ones I feel the closest to. I tend to give priority to people over animal welfare, and empowerment over assistance (which is one of the reasons why I love Kiva). I like to know where the money is going and I collect information on the charity beforehand. And I subconsciently resent the most pushy ones.

How about you? Do you give to specific charities? How do you react when you’re asked to make a donation?

Related posts:

1. The Phone Booth
2. The Pumpkin Massacre
3. Nui: From Thailand to Ottawa

Canadian Totem, Ottawa, October 2011

I admit it, I suck at buying souvenirs. First, I often don’t have room in my luggage. Second, most souvenirs are not exactly useful and can be downright tacky. What’s the point of spending money on trinkets that will just collect dust at home?

Recently, one reader asked me what Canadian souvenirs I would recommend visitors to buy. The question turned out to be trickier than he probably intended. It got me thinking: knowing Canada like I do now, what would I recommend visitors to bring home?

Here are a few ideas (none of the links are sponsored, I just included them for reference).

Maple syrup…and maple everything — Maple syrup is synonymous with Canada for a lot of visitors. The sweet syrup you drench your pancakes in (and anything, really) is cheap, easy to find and easy to carry home. Most bottles are made of thick glass and you can even find maple syrup in nice cans. Maple candies and maple toffees also make a great gift.

Peanut butter — Granted, you can abstain if you’re from the U.S. because peanut butter isn’t exactly exotic there. But the treat is virtually unknown in other parts of the world, such as Latin America, continental Europe or Asia. However, it is a bit of an acquired taste… I know I never got used to the taste!

Ice wine — Canada is the world’s largest ice wine producer, which is hardly surprising considering the weather. Ice wine is a type of dessert wine produced from grapes that have been frozen while still on the vine. Most wineries are located in the Niagara region and in British-Columbia but the wine can be found anywhere in Canada.

Aboriginal art — Art from the First Nations, the Métis or the Inuits is often unique and beautiful. From Inuit inuksuk to wood carving, stone sculptures, jewellery, moccasins, intriguing prints etc. you can find something for every budget. In Ottawa, I’m a big fan of Snow Goose, a small family-operated store that has it all. These gifts are original and reveal another aspect of Canadian culture.

A piece of the Parliament — It’s unusual enough to be mentioned: for less than $10, you can buy pins crafted in part from the original copper which covered the roofs of Canada’s Parliament Buildings from 1918 to 1996. This is definitely more fun than the House of Commons Procedure and Practice, which is somehow showcased on the Parliament Hill boutique!

Clothing — Canadian clothing can also be a nice gift and makes a useful souvenir. For Europeans, don’t forget that a lot of American brands are much cheaper in Canada than back home (think Levis Jeans around $40)—I know it’s not a real Canadian souvenir but your friends may appreciate the savings! Famous Canadian brand include Lois Jeans, Aritzia, Parasuco and of course Roots (check out their fleece jackets, I love them!). The Olympic collection at The Bay is also very popular, and you can pick up the famous red mittens for $10. Don’t forget that American sizes can be different though.

Canadian misc. — I always find lunch boxes make a great gift, especially for kids. The concept doesn’t really exist in Europe so these are unique. Best place I’ve seen so far for lunch boxes was Old Navy. Coins also make a nice souvenir: the funky toonie is a good keepsake or you can even shop online at the Canadian Mint for more unique pieces. And if you’re into sports, don’t forget to pick up a hockey puck (the cheap option) or the jersey of your favourite team (the expensive option)!

What Canadian souvenirs would you recommend visitors to buy?

Related posts:

1. Sweet Tooth (5/10)
2. 10 Things You Must Eat (Or Drink) In Canada
3. Things I Love/ Hate About Canadian Food

Surviving Winter 101

Thanksgiving Weekend was definitely the last few warm days we enjoyed. It’s fall, winter is on its way and the change of temperature was brutal. Sunset is early now, it’s pitch black by 7 p.m. and it’s about to be darker even sooner since we’ve just clocked to Daylight Saving Time.

Time for cocooning.

Suddenly, the very same indoors malls I avoided all summer (it’s too cold with the air-con on!) look welcoming again and I don’t want to take quick cold showers anymore but lounge around in the steamy bathroom.

Little by little, I reverted to my winter accessories and products. I’m picky about my beauty products because I want them to be: 1) affordable; 2) easy to use; 3) effective.

Let me spare you the search for perfect products: I have what you need!

Here are my picks for the season:

Hand Cream — I know I should wear gloves but I just can’t bring myself to—come on, it’s only November! Besides, I always lose them or forget to put them on. A good cream is the best way I found to protect my hands from winter dryness. I’m a big fan of The Body Shop Hemp Cream ($18.50 for a large tube). It’s rich and very moisturizing but it doesn’t leave hands greasy. Plus I love the smell, although I find it too strong to use the other products from the same line.

Lip balms — I love lip balms! They are easy to carry and most smell really good. The basic one I use is Blistex Mint (about $2.00). I’m a also a big fan of Burt Bee’s lip balms (about $5.00) that taste like honey and are super hydrating. Finally, I have a fancier version, Nuxe’s Rêves de Miel (about $18.00). The texture of that one is much thicker and non-glossy but the fragrance is awesome and it does wonders on dry lips. Note to self: must stop buying so many lip balms…

Scented soap — Back when I lived in France, I always used liquid soap. French have an amazing variety of body washes of all fragrances and for all skin types. However, the choice isn’t as wide in Canada and I found most body washes are expensive and don’t rinse well. So I reverted to bar soap. I guess I could buy the cheapest one (usually Ivory Soap) but I like to splurge on organic and natural soaps. My favourite are from L’Occitane and are between $6.00 and $14.00 for the biggest bars. One bar lasts for a couple of months taking a shower everyday so to me it is worth it.

Cleanser — For a few years, I was faithful to Shiseido’s purifying cleansing foam. But last spring, my mother sent me L’Occitane’s Shea Butter Ultra Rich Face Soap and I immediately fell in love with it. This is a soap bar but don’t get fooled, the texture is amazingly rich. When I discovered L’Occitane’s soap was only $12.00, I ditched Shiseido and the $35 cleanser. My skin has never been happier!

Cream — For the winter, I need a very moisturizing cream to protect it. I’m a huge fan of Nuxe products (and I can now find them in Canada!) and often use either the Crème fraîche debeauté or the Crème prodigieuse enrichie (both around $35.00). I also like the Huile prodigieuse: the texture is surprising but this is dry oil so it’s not greasy.

How about you? What beauty products do you use to survive the dreaded Canadian winter? Any tips?

Unfortunately, this was NOT a sponsored post. But if these brands want to ship me gifts, samples and other bribes, they are welcome to do so.

Surviving Winter Kit

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1. Beauty Comes From Within (And From Shopping In France)
2. Lipstick For The Girls
3. 10 Things I Can’t Travel Without

The Slippery Slope, Ottawa, October 2011

Thanks to globalization, no matter where you go these days, you will probably experience a lesser culture shock than the great explorers did a few centuries ago. Familiar brands and franchises took over the planet and local customs and lifestyles were exported well beyond their original boundaries. You can find Chinese food in Peru and enjoy an American burger in China, wear a Japanese kimono in Paris and watch the latest Bollywood hit in London.

But it’s not always the same. Or rather, it’s the same… just different. Here are a few examples between France and North America.

I’m French, so bread is a staple for me. It took me a while to appreciate North American bread though. Okay, scratch that—I’ve never liked what people here call “bread”. To me, bread has crust and crumb. It can be made of rye or wheat and sometimes even has fancy additions such as walnuts or poppy seeds. Bread is bought fresh daily and devoured fast.

What North Americans typically call “bread” is what French call “pain de mie” (pan bread) or “pain américain”. These thin slices of white or brown bread are soft and crumble easily. For some reason, kids here apparently like to have the crust cut off, while French kids love to nibble on baguettes’ hard crust. Go figure.

Pickled gherkins are another story. In Canada, monstrous slices of this vegetable are often offered with deli sandwiches. I had no idea what it was until I made the connection with the French cornichon, and realized it was the same vegetable, just a different species. In France, cornichons are small, crunchy and very sour while in North America, gherkins are big, spongy and sometimes sweet or pickled with dill.

On another topic… I skipped a lot of physic classes back in High School so all these voltage and frequencies stories kind of went above my head. I did notice plug sockets were different—in Canada, they look like little smiley faces, in France there are two big round eyes (and that’s exactly the kind of basic observations that did not give me full mark on physic tests in High School!).

I didn’t care much about voltage when I moved to Canada. I mean, as long as we have power, why bother? And we do have a lot of hydro, we even sell it to our southern neighbours. All I had to do was to find a plug adapter and the French laptop I brought in 2004 worked just fine.

But as I discovered a few years later, voltage has its subtleties. In 2008, while on a trip in France, I bought an electric epilator in France—you know, one of these wonderful instruments of torture that pull the hair out. I brought it back to Canada, plugged it into the adapter… and for the first time realized what it meant to use a different voltage, e.g. 220 V in France and 120 V in Canada. Oh, my epilator still worked… it was just torturing me more. Instead of spinning fast, the rounded barrel on which were mounted tiny pairs of tweezers opening and closing at different interval was running very slowly so you could feel each hair being pulled out. Ouch. It kind of defeated the purpose.

Still on the topic of electronics, note that France and Canada use different keyboards layouts, respectively AZERTY and QWERTY. When I first start looking for a job in Ottawa, I was given a typing test and failed miserably when I realized the keyboard I was typing on wasn’t my regular AZERTY. Note that a lot of bilingual people use the Canadian Multilingual keyboard layout for typing in both English and French (with proper accents) easily.

Finally, let’s talk about clothes shopping. Both sides of the Atlantic have a lot of stores and brands in common but you will have to get used to a new size system. Typical dress sizes in France go from 34 to 44 and in Canada it is 0 to 14 or 24 to 34. In theory, a French 40 is a US 10 but in fact, no conversion chart will give you a correct equivalence. I find sizes in France invariably smaller, not to mention that I’m pretty sure clothes are cut differently. For instance, I find that when you go up and down a size in pants in Canada, only the waist is bigger or smaller. Thigh and leg width don’t seem to change. Maybe it’s because women have different body types across the ocean?

How about you? Did you notice these little changes when traveling or living abroad?

Related posts:

1. French Pastries
2. French Bakeries
3. A French Market

But this year, we decided to tackle the chore.

Cut me some slack, okay? Back in the days, October 31st was just a regular day in France—no pumpkin, no sugar-high kids, no candies.

So, here is how it works.

Take one massive pumpkin.

Knives.

A determined woman.

And… ta-da!

Step One: Beheading

Carving

Don’t Ever Give Me A Knife…

That Will Do, No?

Related posts:

1. Pumpkin Day
2. Winterlude 2011
3. Pumpkins and Snow

Canadian Flag, Ottawa, October 2011

We see a lot of movies, most of them Americans as we are fed a steady stream of Hollywood blockbusters. Once in a while, we pick a French flick so that I can catch up with French culture—the most popular comedies are usually available at Jumbo Video. Once in a while, we watch classic movies of the 1990s, such as Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction or Trainspotting (which always makes me want to check flights to Edinburgh—Scotland does look interesting!).

My story with Canadian cinema didn’t start very well. When I first came here, Feng dragged me to see Men with Brooms. Keeping in mind I barely spoke English and didn’t know much about Canada, I automatically assumed it was a comedy about… guys doing housekeeping, a bit like Mrs. Doubtfire. Well, turned out it was a movie about curling. I didn’t even know curling was a sport.

Fortunately, over the years, we saw other movies that I actually understood this time, notably the excellent Eastern Promises (directed by David Cronenberg), The Barbarian Invasions (directed by Denis Arcand), and The Trotsky (by Jacob Tierney).

But I must admit I have a fondness for bilingual comedies.

When I watched Bon Cop/Bad Cop in 2006, I laughed so hard I must have missed half of the lines. So I watched it again. And Again. And it still makes me laugh. This is the story of an Ontarian and a Québécois police officer who reluctantly join forces to investigate on a body found hanging on top of the sign demarcating the Ontario-Quebec border. The dialogue is a mixture of English and French—literally, as both characters are bilingual. The movie plays on stereotypes Québécois and English Canadians have about each other’s. As Kevin Tierney, the script writer of the movie explains: “The francophones said that while the French characters were a bit clichéd, we had really got the anglo characters down. Yeah, everyone in English Canada wears a turtleneck and is constipated. In English Canada, people said we had overused anglo stereotypes, but congrats on getting those French characters down.”

I recently went to see another bilingual comedy by the same script writer: French Immersion. This time, four anglo Canucks and a New Yorker head to the fictional northern Quebec town of Saint-Isidore-du-Coeur-de-Jésus for, guess what, French immersion and intensive language classes. A barrage of culture clashes ensue between the rural folks in Quebec, the Indian restaurant owner, the Jewish anglophone, an ambitious politician and many other characters. You can see the trailer and other videos on the movie website.

These movies are very fun because they revolve around Canadian culture and stereotypes: the two loneliness between Quebec and the so-called ROC (Rest of Canada), religion, politics—and yes, hockey.

In another category, Rob Spence, a film maker based in Toronto, is another interesting Canadian to follow. I got to know his work through Let’s All Hate Toronto, a tongue-in-cheek documentary exploring the reasons why everyone in Canada seems to hate Toronto (and the Maple Leafs).

Rob Spence lost an eye as a kid after gun backfired on him. He eventually had his disfigured eye removed a few years ago and decided to take the opportunity to become Eyeborg. Inspired by science fiction, he vowed to replace his prosthetic eye by a video camera, not to regain sight but to record the world from a new perspective. He also dabs into cybernetics, human augmentation, bionic parts and our surveillance society with a great sense of humour. Over the years, the eyecam prototype built by his slightly insane team was improved and frankly, it’s both scary and fascinating to watch him watch you. You can watch a bunch of videos about “the eyeborg” here and read a good interview of Rob Spence here.

So if you are a prospective immigrant, a newcomer or simply interested into Canadian culture, check out these movies and these directors. They will surprise you!

By the way, I was not paid to write this article. But if anyone wants to cast me for a new bilingual comedy…je speak franglais!

Related posts:

1. A Movie Rant
2. Two Solitudes And One Loneliness
3. Stuffs Canadians Like (Part 2)

Nicastro’s, Ottawa, September 2011

I was queuing at Nicastro’s (an Italian store where you can buy overpriced delicacies from the old world—I’m a sucker for their European-sized pickles) when I noticed the couple in front of me. The guy was holding about a week’s supply of French cookies and the girl was openly eyeing huge $10 jars of Nutella.

“French” I told myself.

French-spotting is a game I love to play, especially during prime French tourist season, i.e. summer and fall.

The guy suddenly turned around to survey the queue behind him. I caught a glimpse of his blue Fédération Française de Foot t-shirt. “The queue is so long” he sighed. “I know, c’est chiant,” his other half replied.

One point for me.

I’m no detective. It’s just that French aren’t that hard to spot. Do you see a lot of Canadian guys wearing skinny jeans, a pack of Marlboro Light sticking out of the back pocket, a three-day stubble and a “the world is against me” attitude on their face?

French guys are a different specie. Yes, I know, I’m generalizing.

First, French guys aren’t as tall as Canadians. North Americans are usually bigger, and by big, I don’t necessarily mean fat. Feng, who is about 5’8, always complained he was short. I disagreed until I met his friends, all above 6’2. Most French guys I know are between 5’7 and 5’9—the ideal height to fit in a French car or in a packed subway. On the other side, Canadians need to be able to fight bears and stop hockey pucks, so evolution made them taller.

But differences aren’t just physical. Take for instance the relationship between men and women.

First there is the whole “date” thing, a long courtship process for which there is simply no proper French translation. French have words for you’re in a relationship, when you’re single, when you’re sleeping together but are not romantically involved, when you’re romantically involved but not sleeping together… but there isn’t such a thing as “dating”.

Dating is so heavily codified you’d need The Da Vinci Code’s symbologist to understand all the subtleties. It starts in high school, where guys are supposed to take women to the prom—a relatively formal event for which women shop for princess dresses and guys really hope to take that dress off in the car at the end of the night. And dating apparently only ends when, as Beyoncé put it, you “put a ring on it”.

Generally speaking, French guys are way more flirtatious than their North American counterparts, maybe because they aren’t scared of being arrested for sexual harassment. On the plus side, you can have the chance to go for a coffee with a nice stranger you just met on the street. On the downside, it means having to put up with aggressive fondling in packed public transportation and catcalls to anyone wearing a skirt in the street. And French don’t just flirt in places where you are supposed to, like bars and discos (although the former is more of a boob-watching place). They’ll be happy to French kiss you in the middle of a demonstration.

I also always felt that, in North America, both sexes worked hard to display outdated stereotypes. To be considered for a date, a guy must be good looking (that means tall, clean-shaved with big white straight teeth), pay for everything and have a car. Women, on the other side, are expected to dress a certain way (show some legs and cleavage) and be fully waxed even though the guy won’t notice it because, as The Rules say, you don’t have sex until the third date.

Men are always portrayed as sexual predator who would give up everything but Monday Night Football to have sex. Women are apparently only interested in collecting a gazillion of pairs of shoes and eventually getting married to benefit from financial security.

Frankly, I find the whole thing a bit cynical.

Sometimes, I have nightmare of having to go back to high school—a North American high school. There is no way I would manage to master the dating thing.

I’m still French when it comes to relationship.

Eh oui.

Related posts:

1. 8 North American Social Events and Traditions You May Not Know
2. Lipstick For The Girls
3. The Oh-So-Sexy French Myth