Holiday Season Wins and Fails

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First Hot Chocolate, Ottawa, December 2014

First Hot Chocolate, Ottawa, December 2014

The holiday season is in full swing, and even though I am the self-described “mother who sucked at Christmas”, I’m trying to get in the mood. Sort of.

So here are our holiday season wins and fails so far.

Mark had his first hot chocolate, the kiddie size at Starbucks. He repeatedly said “no” (while drinking it), proclaimed it “hot” (he has just discovered the hot/cold concept) and then walked around Chapters telling everyone he was drinking “coffee” (I got several strange looks from concerned strangers).

I’ve seen enough mall Santa Clauses for a lifetime. Mark claims he is “scared” of Santa Claus, yet he drags me around the malls to find the ubiquitous Christmas tree and Santa. Then he stands there, as close as he can, and repeats “scared, scared”. My son is a masochist.

I participated in Reddit’s huge “secret Santa”, just for fun and because as a freelancer, I don’t get to be part of any office party or celebrations. I mailed my gift to Japan where it was received. However, my secret Santa never followed up, so I’m out of luck for a gift. I’m thirty-one and I’m disappointed like a five-year-old. Secret Santa fail.

I told Mark Christmas decorations and lights were “hot”, so that he would stop touching the freaking trees in stores and at the mall. Now he touches and pretends the “hot” lights burned him. And I have to blow on the imaginary self-inflicted “bobo”. Again, this kid is a masochist.

I took Mark to a kids Christmas party where he had pizza slices and gingerbread cookies. He met Santa and, of course, he was “scared” (he accepted his gift, though).

I wrote and mail my Christmas cards. This is a tradition I enjoy, there is something special with paper cards. I’m old fashioned, I love snail mail, putting stamps on envelopes and writing addresses.

At night, I listen to Iggy Pop and Heartless Bastards very loud just to purge my brain from all the sickly sweet Christmas music that plays in every bloody store. I bet Michael Bublé is the music they play in the elevator going down to hell to torture people.

Surprise, surprise, we will have a white Christmas. We had a major snow storm mid-December and the snow banks are already pretty tall, I doubt it will melt by then. It’s pretty alright, I just wish snow was warm and fluffy like… you know, cotton.

Lindt chocolates. I love seasonal Lindt chocolates. Not the big balls, but the mini ones like this. As your average dumb consumer, I feel prey to the “for a limited time only” and “perfect for all your holiday indulgence moments” marketing ploy. I indulge myself and I stocked up. (At least I don’t commit crimes, unlike the Australian who held people hostage in a Lindt Chocolat Café in Sydney recently).

I’m using my coffee addiction to play the seasonal “Starbucks For Life” contest. I have yet to win anything, not even a small daily prize. Fail.

The new trend here is apparently giving your beloved vehicle a “Christmas costume”. I saw several cars sporting a Rudolph-the-Red-Nose-Reindeer plush “nose” attached to the grill and antlers slipped on to the windows. It’s… weird. Because let’s face it, there is a big gap between Santa’s sleigh as depicted in books and your average GM Chevrolet Silverado.

I bought Mark his first Advent Calendar… and I realized he knew most numbers. Like he can find “2”, “3”, etc. up to ten, and name them too. Must be his Chinese genes because I clearly remember opening the wrong “window” when I was a kid (and asking for more chocolate, but Mark does this too—his French genes).

How is your holiday season going?

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About Author

French woman in English Canada. World citizen, new mom, traveler, translator, writer and photographer. Looking for comrades to start a new revolution.

16 Comments

  1. Ahhh…the coffee/hot chocolate thing reminds me of last Christmas when a child gave me some hot chocolate as a christmas present and said ‘here’s your present, it’s a coffee filter’. I thanked her for it and after christmas sai ‘I enjoyed the hot chocolate thank you!’ and she didn’t know what I was talking about and I said ‘you know, the present you got me’ and she nodded her head wisely and said ‘aaaah, yes, the coffee filter.’

    • Aw, you’re sweet. I don’t mind actually (well, I do a little bit…), picking a gift for someone I don’t know was a fun experience. Plus I chatted with the recipient afterwards and he was a very decent person.

  2. Martin Penwald on

    Holidays ? What are you talking about ? Do you think that the gifts at the bottom of the tree will get delivered by themselves ? 🙂

    To wash my ears of all these obnoxious songs (mais putain de bordel de nom de dieu de merde lâchez-nous la grappe avec ça. Pardon d’être grossier, mais ça fait déjà plus d’un mois qu’on nous saoûle avec ces chansons pourries), I relax with these peaceful lyrics from Man’O’War :
    « Rip their flesh
    Burn their hearts
    Stab them in the eyes
    Rape their women as they cry
    Kill their servants
    Burn their homes »
    Aaaaahh, it is better now.

    And to stay in the mood, I will buy me something for the solstice.

    • … thank you. This is exactly what I needed to hear. Can’t stand anymore Christmassy stuff. No can do.

      (And just to piss you off a little, from now until Christmas, I shall call you “Martin le petit elf de Santa qui livre les cadeaux tout mignon des p’tits nenfants” :lol:)

  3. I saw those sort of car decorations last time I was home for Christmas in the US (in 2011). While other people were like “How cute!”, I basically kept thinking “How dumb” and “What a waste of money.”

      • Martin Penwald on

        It is hold like the flags of hockey teams, as long as you don’t open the window, it should stay in place. And even if it falls on the highway, it is too light to cause a serious threat to traffic. But like sports team flags, I don’t see the point.
        Waste of money is a good description. In fact, what intrigues me is how much fuel is needed to overcome the drag factor caused by these ornaments.

        • Good point about the drag factor. Actually, looking at the description of one of these “kits” at Walmart (it was cold, had to take a walk somewhere!), it does say “not to use when driving on freeways”. But I doubt people stop before the merging lane to take it off…

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