“So, what’s this?”
“A!”
“Very good! ‘A’ as in…”
“Plane?”
“Plane? No, no! Let’s see… Oh come on, you gotta be kidding me!”
I’m checking Mark’s book and apparently, for the author, “A” is for “airplane”. This is complete bullshit. Who the fuck says “airplane”? No one, especially not two-year-old kids. “A” is for “apple”, like the one you find in Happy Meals. Everybody knows that.
Moving on.
“This ‘B’! Tower!”
I sigh.
“… Sorry Mark, this is a building.”
We all agree that “C” is for “car”, and “D” is for “dog” (well, “Dalmatian”, but it’s a dog, right?), but conventional wisdom is lost again at “E”, which isn’t for “elephant” or “ear” but “egg”. Sure, the word “egg” is common enough, but do you have any idea how hard it is to depict an egg (i.e. a white oval shape) accurately? Well, the artist failed here. To Mark, it’s a ball, and I don’t blame him.
Raising kids also means stepping into a world you never paid attention to before. For example, the children’s section in bookstores. Before Mark, I only ventured into the “kids zone” if all the seats were taken around the magazines or travel books section. Now I regularly hang out there, trying to find new books for special snowflake while he sips his very own vanilla bean frappuccino (okay, the Starbucks drink only happened once, I’m cheap).
Finding good books is not as easy as it seems.
I have two criteria: either they must have nice imagery, in which case the storyline is irrelevant (I make something up); either they must have a narrative Mark can relate to, like a kid making a mess, going to the playground, riding the bus or taking a bath.
There are tons of picture books but of course, there is no story to tell and the objects depicted are sometimes a strange pick as if someone was going through the dictionary and picking random words. I mean, “acorn”? “Belt”? “X-ray”? “Viper”? How many kids are familiar with these?
Another trend is what I call “self-help for kids”, like “I’m a big brother now” (hint, your parents still love you), “the babysitter is coming” (your parents need a kinky date night but yeah, they will be back) or “I’m using the potty” (toilet humour included). Ah, potty training… I’m sorry, I’m French, and I don’t do bathroom humour. I’m casual about it, of course, but I draw the line at reading Once Upon a Potty or Everyone Poops. It just feels wrong as a bedtime story.
For a long time, Mark’s favourite book was Good Night, I Love You. I liked it too. The drawings were cute, depicting two kids’ bedtime routines.
After three months of reading it every single night, I started to get slightly tired of it. I had two storytelling modes: the complete story (“… and they put their pyjama on—oh, look, a green pyjama! And a red pyjama!) and the abridged version (“Alright, the two kids are tired, they take a bath and go to sleep… just like you, goodnightIloveyou”).
One day, Mark got sick of it too and demanded to read his truck book. We had a fight about it because I do not read the “truck book”, a book listing—you guessed it—all kinds of trucks. I mean, how am I supposed to read that? “This is a garbage truck. This is a construction truck. This is a tow truck. This is… some kind of truck.”
So I bought more books. I bought The Wheels on the Bus, which turned out to be a mistake because Mark expected me to sing. In case you didn’t know it, The wheels on the bus go round and round. Round and round, round and round. The wheels on the bus go round and round. All through the town.
I bought a book called Mine!, in which two kids fight for the same toys. Except that Mark didn’t go through the possessiveness stage (maybe it’s coming up, or maybe our communist upbringing paid off). So I renamed the book the “mess book”, and we read the story of two kids making big messes with their toys.
And then we have old French books. Some of them were mine, like Ploum or Petit Ours Brun.
Times have changed, I’m telling you.
A month ago, my mum sent us an English-language edition of a French classic, Ernest and Célestine, published in 1982.
This is the story of Ernest (the bear) and Célestine (the little mouse). Now, don’t ask me why an adult bear and a mouse live together in downtown Paris. Oh, and there is no mommy around, and the bear smokes a pipe. Anyway, the story goes, they live in a very old apartment and the roof is leaking but they don’t have the money to fix it. One night, Celestine has an idea: she retrieves Ernest’s violin from the attic and encourages him to play. He is a good musician, and after a sleepless night spent playing music and singing, they go perform in the street. People love their show and give the buskers spare change. The first thing they do is buy food, and they have a huge dinner at the apartment, complete with bottles of wine. “How about the roof? We spent all the money!” the mouse realizes. “It’s okay, we enjoyed a nice dinner. We will make more money tomorrow!”
I love the (American) reader’s comment on Amazon:
Making money doing what you love. Cool.
Spending it as soon as you earn it. Not so cool.
Subversive French “literature” from the 1980s?
I’m in.
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I was born in 1982. Sometimes I see kids nowadays and wonder how different my childhood was. Not only do I notice little things that are different between the adult world and the child world, but also how my old child world is also different from the current child world. When I was growing up we didn’t have iPads to play with! We played with real toys!
I know! I was born in 1983 and I used a Walkman until… 2003?? That said, kids respond to what you give them. Mark has many “classic” toys, like Duplos or small cars, he hasn’t really entered the digital world yet.
Oh man, this brings back memories of when my oldest was obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. His favourite bedtime “book” was the catalog of Thomas stuff you could get from Mrs. Tiggy Winkles. For months I’d “read” things like, “and here is Percy covered in chocolate, and here is Thomas in both gold AND silver, and here is Iron Harry and Iron Bert, and you can get this mine playset for them…” He NEVER got tired of it :).
We still have a lot of board books from when the kids were small because I read them so often, I got attached and just could not part with them. All Sandra Boynton books were a big hit – Barnyard Dance and But Not the Hippopotamus are classics – and I must have read The Very Hungry Caterpillar 300 times in my life. They held up well :).
I’ve heard of the Caterpillar one… I’ll look it up. So far, Mark isn’t into any specific character, which is great because brand stuff can be obnoxious and expensive 🙂
Have you ever heard of the “children’s” book Go the F to Sleep?
Yes 🙂 A classic at home… for me, of course!
Lol funny i bought the Good Night ans Petit Ourson brun a few days ago. I am sure i am going to get sick in a few weeks but apparently the baby tolerate it 🙂
I find it’s great to get kids into “reading” early, because they learn to turn pages, understand the concept of a story and “respect” books.
J’adore les livres tu sais ça 🙂 J’ai plusieurs coups de coeur dont certains édités par “les belles histoires”. Ma préférence va à ceux dans lesquelles il y a une certaine rime, ce sont les plus agréables pour moi à lire à voix haute. Parmi eux Guess how much i love you, qu’on a en anglais et que je connais par coeur (je tourne les pages sans lire le texte :)), la Chenille qui faisait des trous (on y apprend au passage les chiffres, les fruits et les jours) ou encore Ernest, the moose who doesn’t fit que je n’ai pas encore acheté mais que j’avais pris à la biblio.
Ceci dit mon pb est le même que le tien : lorsqu’elle choisit le livre à lire ce sont tjs des histoires pénibles comme un truc sur le père noël acheté pour rien à Toysrus et qu’on lit un soir sur deux… en alternance avec un livre sur “la ferme”, heureusement il n’y a pas que du listing mais aussi une petite histoire descriptive mais dans tous les cas c’est la répétition qui me gonfle !
On a réduit au maximum les “petit ours brun” que je trouve niais à souhait (niais, débilitant, parfaitement sexiste, etc) au profit de “petit lapin blanc”.
Your post made me think about how the word for apple in French doesn’t have the same high status that it does in English. Apple, as you mentioned, is (almost) always used to represent the first word of the alphabet, and its image is present everywhere in schools. What’s the equivalent word of importance in French?
Usually in Italy A is for tree (albero), E is elephant etc etc. The difficult part comes when we have to learn foreign letters (k, j, w and so on). You usually learn what a koala is at school, when you learn the letter k 😉 W is usually wafer and I don’t remember what we had for J…
about kid’s books, my favourite one was a book about water, it had a hole in it that got progressively smaller a long as you went on reading the book. I loved the part about splashing into puddles!
Sticker albums were also a popular thing when I was a kid, was it the same in France? My parents probably spent a considerable amount of their salaries to complete my beloved Pocahontas album 🙂
Oh yes, we loved Panini’s sticker albums! We used to get these stickers from free in chocolate bars and Vache-qui-rit cheese boxes 🙂 Thank you for reminding me of them, I had totally forgotten the trend!
K is koala or kangourou in French, W is wagon and J… Juliette? 😉
A for airplane… come on !!!!! It doesn’t even sound like a A…
I know!!