Winnie is Gender-Neutral, Right?

We do not know the sex of the baby.

No, seriously.

We didn’t want to find out.

Yes, we can live with it. Because 1) We will eventually find out, duh! 2) Surprises are fun 3) There are only two options, after all.

In Canada, you can usually find out the sex of your mini-baby during the second ultrasound, at around 18-20 weeks. But when offered, we asked the technician to keep it a secret. So as she waved the wand around my still-kinda-flat belly, she didn’t say a word and I could tell she was trying her best not to linger around the baby’s genital area—a thoughtful gesture, but it’s not like I would have been able to find out by myself anyway. I mean, I can barely tell the head from the stomach and the hands from the feet! Ultrasounds are like modern art to me—intriguing and mysterious.

Early in the pregnancy, I asked Feng if he wanted to find out the sex of the baby. This is the kind of decision you have to make as a couple, after all. But we were on the same page: he wanted it to be a surprise as well.

We haven’t regretted it. It’s fun to keep the suspense going until the “big finale”.

Sure, I sometimes think about it. There are way more girls than boys in my family, so I have always kind of assumed I would have a boy—statistics and all. Early in the pregnancy though, I was certain it was a girl. But maybe I was projecting—a woman imagining a little girl growing in there.

But now, I have no clue. Boy or girl, your guess is as good as mine. My pregnant woman’s instinct sucks anyway—remember, it took me six weeks to realize I was pregnant!

And the truth is, I don’t care. I imagine us with a baby, not with a little boy or a little girl. We are happy either way. Oh, and in case you were wondering, the grandparents don’t care either.

However, people’s reactions to our choice have been surprising. Like with most pregnancy-related topics, complete strangers and kind souls feel they must absolutely share their opinion, and I find I have to justify our decision.

My in-laws complained that not knowing the sex “wasn’t practical”. “Buy red stuff,” I replied. “Chinese, good luck… you know. Or better, don’t buy anything.” (My in-laws tend to go a bit over-the-top when it comes to shopping).

My father’s family—very conservative and superstitious—wanted to dangle a freaking pendulum over my belly, a sure way to predict gender according to them. “She won’t even notice,” my grandfather told my mother when she informed them that we chose to keep the gender a secret because we wanted to, not because useless Canadian doctors couldn’t tell a boy from a girl. Yeah, right. As if I’m letting you anywhere close to me with that pendulum. Get away from me, crazy people!

Random strangers who ask if it’s a boy or a girl either think I know and don’t want to say or that I don’t give a shit about the baby. “But it’s so much better when you know you are learning to love a little boy or a little girl,” claimed a random woman. Gee, I can see beyond the gender binary, you know. I’m carrying a human being, it doesn’t matter whether he has a penis or she has a vagina.

Some people even told me we were selfish. “People want to know this kind of thing,” sighed a complete stranger. Really? Like, who are you?

Alright, I must admit not knowing makes shopping for clothes harder. I can’t believe a lot of baby clothes still do the outdated “blue is for boys and pink is for girls” colour schemes. Come on people, it’s the 21st century: men can be nurses and caretakers and women can be firefighters and presidents!

And it’s not just the gender-specific colour scheme, it’s the message on the clothes too. I almost bought a set of greyish/blueish Calvin Klein (I know, I know…) bodysuits at Winners before I realized “brave little boy” or something to that effect was written on the front. Gee, great stereotyping, society!

Eventually, we will find out. Meanwhile, the bets are on and I feel like a Kinder Surprise.

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15 Comments

  1. Nigel October 1, 2012 at 8:20 am

    Hah. In India, it’s illegal to determine the sex of an unborn child, because so many people prefer a male child to female child 🙁

    I’m glad you both want it to be a surprise, though, I did suspect you’d run into stereotype issues with clothes 🙁

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 2, 2012 at 10:43 pm

      I think it’s still illegal to find out in a lot of countries, and I’m not surprised it is for India. Thank you for bringing other perspectives to the discussion!

      Reply
    1. Zhu October 2, 2012 at 10:44 pm

      Yay, another three-time Kinder Surprise mother! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Canedolia October 1, 2012 at 1:57 pm

    “I feel like a Kinder Surprise” – too funny!

    I can’t believe people think they have the right to tell you you should want to know. So rude. I actually know a couple where one half knew and the other didn’t – how hard a secret would that be to keep?!

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 2, 2012 at 10:45 pm

      That would be killing me, I’m not that great at keeping these kinds of secrets! I sure couldn’t. I’m glad we were on the same page there.

      Reply
  3. Lily October 1, 2012 at 4:05 pm

    Anyway, the pink baby dress with “Look I’m a Princess and I’m cute” on it feels silly 😉

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 2, 2012 at 10:45 pm

      Yep, that too. I mean, I wouldn’t wear that, why would I force a kid to? 😆

      Reply
  4. Priyank October 1, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    Hi Zhu, I am with you on this! For a long time while I was a child I thought it was impossible to tell the gender because either in India that’s not done or for many people I knew, such fancy medical tests (which is standard now) were unaffordable. As a result, there is a whole culture built around giving gifts to a pregnant woman. At the same time gender differences are not so stereotypical in all cultures… it’s crazy in north america to give a pink shirt to a baby boy for example. wtf?!

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 2, 2012 at 10:50 pm

      Oh, I like a culture that revolves around giving gifts to pregnant women! 😆

      I was also surprised to see the big gender divide, especially considering Canada prides itself on promoting non-traditional gender roles.

      Reply
  5. Rich B October 8, 2012 at 11:11 am

    The pendulum over the belly thing isn’t only a chinese thing. One of the nurses I work with uses a needle and thread and dangles it over your abdomen to guess the sex. I’m pretty sure she’s a witch. She’s white and from Kanata (very witchy here). She’s about 75% correct.
    I’d never seen that before. It’s a bit of a hoot.

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 8, 2012 at 9:01 pm

      It wasn’t my in-laws with the pendulum but my very French grand-parents 😉 So I guess it’s a cross-culture thing!

      Reply
  6. Isa October 9, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    My god, people are crazy. That’s one more proof that our society is so sex-segregated!
    Also, I bet it’s a little girl. (lol)

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 9, 2012 at 9:18 pm

      My bet was on a girl too… but now I really don’t know!

      Reply

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