Why is some online content gaining so much traction among fourth graders? And how did YouTube, TikTok, Roblox, and other platforms insidiously make their way into our lives—or rather, into Mark’s life?
I feel like an old lady, this out-of-touch parent, the one who just “doesn’t get it.” Like Mark puts it with a nine-year-old tween smirk, “it must have had a tough life for you back then, without Internet…”
Oh, sweet summer child…! It seems like only yesterday that I was arguing with my parents, claiming that I wasn’t giving up on reading books just because I also enjoyed playing Tetris and Super Mario Land on my Game Boy. And it was true, mostly because 1990s Game Boy consoles required four AA batteries and there’s only so much Tetris you can play before you have to write down “buy batteries” on a shopping list (sorry if the Tetris Theme is stuck in your head now).
Unfortunately, tablets can last up to 10 hours per charge and Mark’s favourite “Tetris” is YouTube—welcome to social media and products designed to pull you in with infinite scrolling mechanisms, autoplay and notifications. I mean, this is a whole new level of brain hacking. Sometime, I feel powerless—as a parent, a user, and as a citizen.
Just like with Fortnite in Grade 1 (!), Mark was introduced to gaming platforms (mostly Minecraft and Roblox) and YouTube at school. Not as part of the curriculum, obviously, but at some point during socially distanced breaks in grades 2 and 3.
And like in many other families, his screen time has soared in the pandemic.
When the world stopped to flatten the curve “for a couple of weeks” in spring 2020, we dedicated time and energy to educative math games, cardboard fort projects and other fun, creative activities. But COVID-19, school closures, lockdowns and restrictions outlasted our determination to design the perfect pandemic-friendly stay-at-home learning environment for Mark. We eventually gave him almost unrestricted tablet access. Not only it kept him busy and entertained while we were trying to work and deal with the situation, but it was also his only way to socialize with friends. The next thing I knew, he was playing online with classmates, shouting instructions to a neighbour over the phone while tapping on his tablet. Given the pandemic context, I found it both innovative and heartbreaking.
And this is how—the story may sound familiar to other parents—the tablet and a reliable “business” high-speed Wi-Fi connexion, courtesy of two parents who’ve been working from home for over a decade, became Mark’s main source of entertainment in 2020 and 2021.
I’m okay with not getting what makes him laugh, what’s so cool about so-and-so. I even got over the fact that he enjoys shooting “bad people” when playing online or with LEGO bricks—“yeah, yeah, I know guns kill people, mom, these aren’t real, you know…” After all, I clearly remember my parents disapproving of many things I found awesome—these late 1980s morning TV Japanese cartoons (my dad, the artist, just didn’t like character designs) and Disney comics, then cheesy TF1 sitcoms in the 1990s and Cosmopolitan magazines I would hide at my mamie’s place because my mom found I was too young to read about “50 blowjob tips” (mind you, she was probably right).
If Mark’s corner of the Internet was just “too silly” for 38-year-old me, I’ll be fine with it. But as you probably know if you’re over 18—and if you’re Mark, why are you reading this?!—there’s a fine line between “silly” and “sinister” online.
First, I get annoyed when Mark is trying to talk and act like TikTok or YouTube “influencers.” Second, I don’t want him to learn about the world through social media because in the real world, most people don’t find pranks that funny and non-stop self-promotion isn’t the best way to make friends. Third, sooner or later, he will get introduced to social media—currently, he doesn’t have any email or social media account, so he doesn’t post, share, etc.—and we’re opening a can of worms I don’t feel ready for.
How do you explain to a kid that content and information are so easily used and manipulated for nefarious purposes? That his favourite websites are designed to be addictive? That in the real world, teens aren’t that cool, companies aren’t that selfless, and that half of the things heard online is bullshit? That something isn’t valuable just because others say so? Hell, most grownups don’t even realize that!
Right now, my main concern is to make sure Mark doesn’t get addicted to his tablet. Remember that we’re talking about a kid who comes back from school at 3 p.m. when our workday is far from over, and life isn’t back to normal yet in Canada—for instance, after-school activities are either on hold either completely booked.
After weeks-long arguments, I found the “Show your data” under “Your Digital Wellbeing tools” (on Android) very helpful—I showed him how long he spends on his tablet and on different websites. Now all we have to do is check data together to see if he can keep on playing a bit longer or if it’s time to do something else. “Fair enough,” like Mark says.
I’m also trying to debunk misinformation and talk about whatever is going viral. Internet is a really cool tool and there’s plenty of fun, interesting content online, most of it not on Google’s first page and not mentioned at recess. Now, instead of getting annoyed when Mark is watching idiots on YouTube, I explain why I’m annoyed—your YouTube “star” is exaggerating, this is simply not true, etc.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to check why Mark just took a couple of crackers to play “the Squid Game” challenge…
So, how do you deal with social media and all at home?
Fun thing I discovered recently about the cartoons He-Man/She-Ra:Masters of the Universe. The scénarios are very bad, the animation not very good, especially compared to Japanese animes a little bit older, but there was an underlying message for the acceptance of LGBTQIA2S folks assumed by the authors. Prince Adam is a closeted gay, and He-Man/Musclor is a flamboyant gay. To this day, it’s still an iconic serie in the LGBTQIA2S community.
Huh, gotta look this one up!
I wouldn’t be terribly surprised, though. Despite what some people seem to think, homosexuality has been around for ages and yes, a sizeable part of the population isn’t attracted to the opposite sex, so it’s naturally reflected into arts, culture, etc.
My 3 boys share a computer at home, which forces them to share their time playing (20min each), but unfortunately they often stay watching the screen for the remaining 40min when their turn is over instead of doing something else. I’m actually relieved when one of them misbehaves because instead of saying “you are grounded!” (who says THAT anymore??!), he is banned from the computer for one hour, the whole morning, or the WHOLE DAY… As for the TikTok jokes and Y*Tube influencers, I have no idea what they are talking about half of the time, but I can’t help laughing when I hear one of them saying that “it’s so lame”, or “that’s not real, you know”, etc… As long as they are talking about it, I think it’s healthy for them to develop their own critical thinking 🙂
20 minutes? Wow, I’m impressed. Per day??
Yes, funny how quick we can solve argument if tablet time is at stake… same here 😆
Are your boys also “learning” about YouTube and all at school? It amazes me how fast kids know about this or that even though most of them probably don’t have first-hand experience. Take Squid Game, I doubt most fourth graders are watching the series… yet they know about it. How???
I don’t have kids, but I know that my niece and nephews are attracted to screens. I think it’s important to know what they watch. I don’t really know how to handle that, but it could be an occasion to exercise critical thinking skills.
For exemple, Squid Game résumé is available here : https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squid_Game so you don’t have to watch the serie to have a grasp of what happens on the show. In this case, it’s the occasion to point to capitalist exploitation and social inequalities, the serie being a bit in-your-face on the subject. Not that it’s a bad thing, it’s just lack of subtility. It’s an old movie plot, like Le Prix du Danger, Running Man or in a somewhat different way Death Race 2000 (the cheesy movie with David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone, but the recent remakes do the job too).
In fact, from here, one can go to show another face of the movies, which are critics of trash TV, part of the capitalist system. Then, still on violent shows, you have Battle Royale, more cartoonish in its depiction of violence, but a critic of conformism.
In antique Rome, they said ”Panem et Circenses” will buy social peace, and it’s still a common theme in medias.
I’m not really scared of what Mark is watching when it comes to movies or series. Yeah, I’d rather him to take it easy on scary stuff but we don’t usually forbid him to watch this or that unless it’s *really* innapropriate or impossible to explain yet (i.e. Trainspotting wouldn’t make sense to him unless you explain drugs… and it can wait a bit!). I’m more concerned about the harmful sides of social media and other “non professional” content because it’s much harder to keep an eye on it.
I don’t know much about Squid Game. We don’t have Netflix so I didn’t watch the series, I learned about it in Le Monde of all places because it’s apparently very popular in France. The way it was described reminded me of Hunger Games or Lord of the Flies in a way. It sounds like a good series, actually, but apparently pretty brutal for kids. Now considering this year and the past was already pretty tough for kids, I probably won’t create more anxiety downloading it for Mark… not just yet.
It’s 20 minutes per turn, so 20 minutes playing + 40 minutes waiting their turn… (I bought a timer for equal division of time but they somehow find a way to cheat and fight about it) :eyeroll:
About “Y*tube and Netflix culture”: yes! Even the school principal sent a letter to all parents to warn us about the dangerous values vehiculated in a series such as Squid Game, that it is not appropriate for children to watch, and that they are forbidden to TALK ABOUT IT in school!!! epic :eyeroll: I agree about the two first points, but absolutely not about the third point! It is important to discuss how bad/wrong/silly/lame/terrifying something is with our children, but maybe the school principal is choosing the easy way out? In any case, I don’t think it’s his place to tell us what to do or not do at home!
I’m curious, here: what are the ”dangerous values” vehiculed by Squid_Game according to the principal ?
The show is a critic of laisser-faire capitalism. The exagerated violence shown is a reflexion of the violence from which the less fortunate in our societies are victims of. Home foreclosures during the 2008 crisis (due to shaddy banks practices, banks which have been bailed out), police brutality, etc.
There is an educational opportunity, there.
The educational opportunity may be the most controversial part here 😆
I’m curious as well about these so-called “dangerous values”.
Good luck enforcing that *eyeroll*
I’m not sure Squid Game is for kids–well, I know it isn’t, but it’s probably okay at the right time for some kids. I find Mark is having trouble “processing” the whole pandemic thing already so I probably won’t jump on the chance to expose it to more mindfuck right now. But I wouldn’t ban Squid Game because of “values”, this is silly. Banning things outright doesn’t work anyway, like you said, discussing things is the way to do it.
Is it a private school? I.e. is there a religious component involved in the principal’s perspective?
Squid Games is not for kids. too much violence and brutality. Although the game of capitalistic life, I am surprised that while we try teaching the kids empathy and values which are exactly the opposite of SG, we might let them get drowned in this filth.
My kid is 9+ y.o. and I know he is getting all the violence/verbal expressions of anger that is out there, either through youtube minecraft influencers, or weird videos that seem to grow like mushrooms there, or action/violent movies. All I want is to fill him up with the values first and when a bit older let him judge for himself while me being close by and suggesting what he might have done.
The other day coming from school he was singing: If you dont listen to the big black cat there will be BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD. Obviously an animation from YT. It doesnt matter if you block contents (I use CISDEM app) or use parental lock in mac. There are always kids who have access to this and they will spread the word. And this will get only worse as they grow. I manage to have a close relation to him and try to detox him the moment I pick him up from school and all afternoon long. It indeed is very dark when I think about all what goes on in that school environment. And this is supposed to be the best public school in this borough. I definitely think it is up to the family to do the education as they explore this world that is changing very rapidly. So buckle up Dorothy as Kansas goes bye bye 🙂
Oh, I can relate so much!
Now we know that 99% of the time, when Mark uses specific sentences/ways of whining, complaining, etc. it’s *straight* from YouTube. And not necessarily stuff he watched at home, but rather attitudes he picked up at school from other kids. Other parents are just as puzzled. I forgot what it was, but one of Mark’s friend was saying something over and over again. I was standing there with his mum and she was getting annoyed with him, I didn’t see the big deal because it was a fairly innucuous sentence. Then she explained me it was some kind of YouTube challenge he had heard about and she was just so tired of hearing him using the “tagline”.
Like you said, trying to control YouTube at home doesn’t even work. I detoxed Mark this summer in France and I could see the difference in his attitude. It’s harder if not impossible to cut him off now, he is home at 3 p.m. and there are no activities for kids (COVID restrictions and/or no space left because of restrictions). I’m not free at 3 p.m., we’re both around if needed but we are working. So yeah, tablet… and I feel bad about it, but it’s too cold to hang out at the park (he was going alone in sept. and oct.).
I’m a grandmother, lucky not to have to face that trouble, but thanks a lot to you and your commentators for that very interesting exchange.
The fascinating part (to me at least) is that even if you don’t have kids, even if you’re not into social media or anything viral, you will somehow know about it. Crazy.
You are utterly right. That’s why I thanked you.
I always enjoy your insights here 😉 Just your name and picture put a smile on my face!
You are too kind to me.