Please Help, Ottawa, 2012
Please Help, Ottawa, 2012

As a blogger, I believe in interaction—this is why I always enable comments on articles and why I have a dedicated “contact” page. Most of the emails I received are from prospective immigrants who have questions about the visa process or life in Canada. I make a point of answering every comment and every query.

But sometime I can’t help thinking “seriously people, what the fuck?”

I get his point. Some days, I’m that close to hitting the “delete” or “spam” button because I can’t believe how rude or strange some people can be.

I have received what I call “WTF questions” before, including the ever-popular “please send me a copy of your old completed immigration forms so that I can fill my own forms easily”. Because of course, I’m dying to share personal information, including extensive background info, work and family history, with random strangers on the web.

So this is how to NOT ask for help when contacting a blogger.

Don’t bother saying “hi”, “please” or “thank you”

These words are way overrated and you don’t have time for that shit—you need your answer fast.

Do stress that you need me to reply right away

Preferably before the end of the day. Otherwise, it might jeopardize your entire existence since you are about to board the plane and have lost your passport/haven’t decided where to land/just realized you lied on your visa application.

Be as vague as possible

I have a good crystal ball. As in “How long will it take to get to Ottawa?” (from where?) and “Please recommend a good airline” (again, to fly from where to where?).

Don’t do research

That’s what I am here for! I love when you ask “I need to immigrate to Canada, provide detail steps re. the process”. And if I suggest you check Citizenship and Immigration, simply restate the original query: “I need detailed steps”, just in case I didn’t get it the first time.

If you are about to do something illegal or at the very least questionable, do ask for my help

As in “I am married to a woman in Canada and I need to bring my second wife to Canada, can I divorce my first wife after I get the visa?”

Please, do use me

“I am a 22 yrs old male, single, I want to live in Canada. I want to get a marriage visa. Are you interested?” I can’t get enough of these sincere declarations of love. I mean, it’s not like I’m married and just had a kid. I’d love to sponsor you—I am a romantic at heart and I think marrying someone for a visa is exciting.

Threaten me, it makes me reply faster

Like this guy recently who explained that if I wasn’t willing to help him get to Canada, it would encourage him to join Al Qaeda.

Do not read this blog

What’s the point? I know everything anyway. I mean, glancing at the header, my profile or the FAQ may give you a clue that I live in Canada but if you have a question about immigrating to the United Kingdom or the US and I can very well do research for you. Immigration—different country, same shit, right?

Do not follow up. Ever

You got your reply, why say “thank you”? I am not really a human being behind the computer, merely a somewhat sophisticated computer program that deals with questions. Beep.

Punctuation and grammar are overrated

Make me decipher your question. And no, I am not making fun of people who make mistakes in French or English but those who “text” me as in “u no hw long process is? Mths? Yrs. Y so slow?”

Do blame me

I designed the entire immigration system. It’s entirely my fault if your application is stuck in processing limbo or if you can’t get a job as a brain surgeon in Toronto.

Don’t be realistic

Recently, I had two emails from very angry applicants who wanted to sue Citizenship and Immigration because their visa was denied. I wrote that I was sorry to hear that but unfortunately, visas are a privilege and not a right (I did provide a link to appeal and all though). Guess they weren’t happy with my reply—they wanted to sue me for providing wrong info in this blog. Oh well.

How about you? Do you get strange questions from strange people too?

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34 Comments

  1. Jeruen March 6, 2013 at 8:16 am

    Wow, I didn’t realize some people’s sense of entitlement are that bad! I’ve always treated a visa application as something of a privilege; just because I satisfy the requirements doesn’t mean I have the right to enter a foreign country. It just doesn’t work that way. But I guess most people don’t see it like that. And the thing I hate the most is the attitude, almost makes me want to think “Who the hell are you?” as a response to these people.

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 6, 2013 at 10:03 am

      Yep, like you said, it’s the sense of entitlement that bugs me the most. But I laugh these crazy requests off… best thing to do (that an writing about it!).

      Reply
  2. Cynthia March 6, 2013 at 10:57 am

    I’ve been so unlucky with the French immigration that no one ask me questions about it 😉

    Reply
  3. Eileen March 6, 2013 at 11:39 am

    I do get occasional totally irrelevant questions to my experience—as in, immigrant moving from a country I’m not from (the UK), to a country I’ve never lived in. But nothing like the questions you seem to get!

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 6, 2013 at 6:01 pm

      This is so strange. I mean, don’t people waste time asking their questions to someone who can’t answer them in the first place??

      Reply
  4. Isa March 6, 2013 at 1:51 pm

    Yep. And by the way, how long does it take to go to Ottawa? Quick answer appreciated.

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 6, 2013 at 6:02 pm

      42.

      🙂

      Reply
      1. Isa March 7, 2013 at 7:37 am

        This is such a dadaist answer, I love it! 😀

        Reply
        1. Zhu March 7, 2013 at 11:02 am

          And note how fast I was to reply 😆

          Reply
  5. Estefania March 6, 2013 at 9:03 pm

    Well,I don’t blog, but something like that can happen to everybody! When I was on an exchange here, I met this guy from Chili. Then when he knew I was living in Canada as a permanent resident woudn’t stop e-mailing me. I briefly explained the immigration process and told him that Quebec’s immigration site was in Spanish. Anyway, I really explained a lot to him. Then, I learned he got his visa, e-mailed him to ask him when he was landing and he never answered. He is now living in Quebec City, and guess what? I ran into him yesterday. He didn’t even know how to look at me. Of course he never said “thank you” for my help. It pisses me off, really.

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 6, 2013 at 9:42 pm

      Oh, I would have been annoyed too! I mean, how hard is it to say “thank you”? A quick email makes all the difference, especially when you were genuinely helpful. Well, eventually these people will have troubles getting into a network because networking is a give-give thing.

      Reply
  6. Inese March 7, 2013 at 12:30 am

    Oh, my! I so feel your frustration. And even though it happened and still happens to me, I can’t really apprehend how can people be so shameless and dumb (or thinking I am dumb). When I lived in Shanghai, I was regularly getting e-mails from strangers back in Latvia wanting to do business in China and asking me everything from the price of copper (!!) and the statistics on use of disposable wooden chopsticks (!!!) to the requests to post their resumes in local job websites… I still don’t get why some people assume, if you live in a certain country, you must know everything about everything there…
    Since I am in Canada, I get a weird e-mail here and there. But nothing ever topped a person living here once asking me if he could use my SIN number to apply for a job (as he said – since I am at home taking care of baby and not using it anyways). -_-

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 7, 2013 at 11:01 am

      What kind of people think you’d be willing to share you SIN? Seriously…!! This is crazy, not to mention offensive and rude. Gosh.

      People are strange with China. Back when I lived in France, there was always a friend of a friend of a friend who wanted to start a business with China and would ask me to find clients, materials, etc. Er… I am not qualified to do so (especially for free!). You know, China is a big country. You can’t just email random people and ask them to buy/sell your products!

      Reply
    2. Estefania March 7, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      Seriously???? Lending your SIN??? Some people are simply stupid. I can’t believe they ask for that.

      Reply
      1. Zhu March 7, 2013 at 11:10 pm

        I know 🙁

        Reply
  7. david March 7, 2013 at 5:30 am

    I can’t belive. If these people is this way even hoping for help from total strangers, how they will be work with colleague.

    When you aspire to emigrate to other country you be long to work, better to start off on the right foot.

    As prospective immi­grants, sorry for them. You have infinite patience.

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 7, 2013 at 11:02 am

      Most people are great though and I met some pretty awesome immigrants I love to help out 🙂 Makes it up for all the weirdos!

      Reply
  8. Milsters @ Little Pieces of Light March 7, 2013 at 3:18 pm

    OMG!! DO YOU SERIOUSLY GET THOSE QUESTIONS?!?! Where are these people from?!

    (What was your reply to the 22-year-old – LOL!)

    I can’t believe someone would actually ask you for a copy of your immigration form. I am sincerely astounded.

    Well. Great article! And I am definitely sharing with others because all of it is SO TRUE!!

    xx Milsters

    (http://www.littlepiecesoflight.com/)

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 7, 2013 at 4:43 pm

      Thank you… for confirming I was not crazy! 😆

      Reply
  9. Neeraj March 12, 2013 at 9:36 am

    I think some people take too casual of an approach when asking for help, especially if it’s online help they’re seeking. It’s like they come across your site, see that you help with immigration issues and at the spur of the moment, decide to ask you something and see what happens.

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 12, 2013 at 9:45 am

      It’s exactly that!

      Reply
  10. Princesse Ecossaise March 17, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    Hahaha! Oh God, there really are some rude feckers out there! The internet is a great place but it’s also full of crazies!

    Reply
    1. Zhu March 17, 2013 at 9:09 pm

      Yep, crazies looove expressing themselves!

      Reply
  11. Pankaj July 7, 2015 at 8:14 am

    Need details after landing to Canada, about residency, daycare, travel.
    How about Gov rules and regulation.
    are there only 3 thing which should be followed
    1.apply for PR card
    2. apply for SIN as soon as u arrive
    3. apply for health care card or details.

    Reply
    1. Zhu July 7, 2015 at 3:47 pm

      Yes, basically that. For further info, you have to do research online based on where you will live, your question is too broad.

      Reply
  12. Dženan July 31, 2015 at 2:53 am

    Hello,

    I am from Bosnia and Herzegovina, Europe.

    Every morning, before going to work, I read your blog and have a good laugh.

    No matter why I read, but this is the best blog on the Internet on the topic of immigration to Canada.

    Thank you!

    Reply
    1. Zhu August 5, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      Thank you so much for your nice comment!

      Reply
  13. sarah May 23, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    Hello, I am planning to immigrate to Canada and came across your blog while doing my research. I need total cost for the process and read your article about the same. However the article was written in 2009.
    just wanted to know if you have an updated article for the same and can provide me with its link. OR if the cost is more or lee the same and I can use it as an estimate.
    I am an Indian National based in Dubai with my family.

    Reply
  14. sarah May 26, 2016 at 11:30 am

    Thank you Dear! God bless.

    Reply
  15. Diane June 26, 2017 at 2:14 am

    I was nodding along with everything you said as I read your post. People email with the strangest/rudest/most personal things. I enjoy your site!

    Reply
    1. Zhu June 26, 2017 at 11:22 pm

      You get these too? Crazy, eh?

      Reply

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