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20 Reasons Why I’m Looking Forward to The “Grand Finale”

35 Weeks Belly, Ottawa, October 2012

I’m now 35 weeks pregnant (according to my calculations) or 36 weeks pregnant (according to the ob-gyn who definitely was not there when it happened!).

Nine months is a long time. I feel like I’ve been pregnant forever, and I’m still not one of these “glowing pregnant women”. Don’t get me wrong—it is a fascinating experience. But it needs to end at one point!

As scary as the perspective of labour and birth is, I must admit I’m now looking forward to the “Grand Finale” for all these reasons:

  1. Mini-us loves jumping on my bladder. It was cute when it was a few grams. It’s not cute now that he/she is five pounds.
  2. I’d love to be able to breathe again. I really can’t right now with the baby pushing into my lungs. And trust me, breathing is actually a pretty cool thing to do regularly.
  3. I want to go buy some clothes. I haven’t shopped in eight months because I figured it wasn’t worth it, but now I’m looking forward to getting something new—anything new, really.
  4. I want my body back. I’m a communist and I don’t mind sharing, but hey, it’s been almost nine months. Taking a walk just by myself would be nice.
  5. I’m sick and tired of getting up every few hours to go pee at night. Yes, I know I will soon be getting up to feed someone, but at least it would be a change.
  6. I miss doing the floor series on my stomach at yoga. I need to stretch my spine.
  7. I’d love to eat a normal meal without feeling like I gulped down ten pounds of food. My stomach is so compressed right now that a cup of water fills me up.
  8. I need a glass of wine. And I don’t even drink.
  9. Waxing my bikini line and my legs is getting really hard.
  10. I’m sick of my weekly ob-gyn appointments at the hospital. Lovely people there but I feel I’m spending my life in the waiting room and I read all the magazines.
  11. I want a belly that doesn’t move on its own.
  12. I like surprises and I don’t mind some suspense, but still, I kind of want to know whether it’s a boy or a girl.
  13. I want to use my abs normally again. Right now, just turning in bed is painful.
  14. I’m tired of being careful and analyzing everything I do, eat, drink, etc. I need to take care of a baby outside my womb, not inside me.
  15. I want to count the fingers and toes (and considering my math skills, I will probably get it wrong).
  16. Ultrasound pictures aren’t very flattering. I’m sure I can do better with my camera.
  17. I want to be able to bend normally over the sink when I’m brushing my teeth.
  18. No more “pregnancy police” please! Yes, I know, I will get comments from the “baby police” soon.
  19. I want to know whether I did an okay job of baking mini-us. I hope so.
  20. I want to know if I can survive labour, God dammit!

I hope the kid can find the way out, though. It seems that the baby has my sense of direction: he/she keeps on pushing toward the right side of my belly, while the exit is clearly… ahem, down there.

Maybe I should draw an arrow on my belly?

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