I didn’t know what being homesick felt like until 2004. This was a foreign concept to me—I was travelling the world and I didn’t miss France at all. To be honest, I didn’t miss my family either—I was too focused on living the experience abroad, on trying to find the meaning of life. Eh, what do you expect—I was selfish, the way kids barely out of their teens can be.
It all changed in 2004. My first year in Canada with a tourist status was tough. After the honeymoon stage, I was lonely and bored in Ottawa and the perspective of having to make life-changing decisions was suddenly overwhelming. Should I stay in Canada? Should I start the immigration process? Should I still enroll at university in France in case things didn’t work out in Canada? Did I even want to live in Canada? Would I be granted permanent residence status ever? Could I get a job in Canada with my pretty much useless French degrees?
Many sleepless nights were spent tossing and turning in bed, thinking about my future. That’s my problem—I think too much, always have.
After a few months of thinking and not getting anything done but having my tourist visa extended until fall, I started having random anxiety attacks. The first time, I was alone at home at night and I felt I was going to die right there. My heart was beating fast, I was sweating and I couldn’t think straight. I felt depressed. I was crying for no reason. Life wasn’t fun anymore. I wanted to be home.
And right there, for the first time in my life, I thought of France as “home” and I suddenly missed my family. I was homesick. I just hadn’t recognized the symptoms because they were new to me.
That fall, I travelled to France. It felt right, and it felt good. Sure, tons of things annoyed me (and I was probably very annoying with my newfound Canadian wisdom, the way new immigrants can be when they constantly compare two countries) but being in a familiar environment was comfortable. In France, I didn’t have to struggle for words, I knew how the country worked, I was confident when talking to people.
Life was easy… or so it seemed. After a month in France, I was dying to leave again. I applied for a Working Holiday Visa and headed back to Canada.
Eventually, things worked out fine. I did graduate from my university in France, I did stay in Canada and I did survive the immigration process.
I have never been as homesick as I had been back in 2004, but occasionally I do miss France. Or rather, I miss some aspects of it.
I’m usually happy to visit France. I enjoy travelling and I love seeing my family.
The first few days there, I immediately feel very French as I reconnect with my roots—it feels like slipping into an old pair of jeans. I catch myself thinking that it would be really nice if Feng and I could rent a place in one of Nantes’ funky neighbourhoods. We could walk to the bakery every day to buy bread and pastries—in fact, we could walk everywhere, like true Europeans. We would cook French food, I would enjoy an endless supply of French books and there won’t be so many commercials on TV. My family would be at most a few hundred kilometres away and I wouldn’t have to calculate the jetlag when calling my parents. There would be no blizzards, no humidex. There would be no Fox News scaring people and fewer health and safety guidelines to follow.
I dream of a hedonistic French life, the way Americans sometimes picture it.
And usually, a few days into the trip, I start missing my life in Canada.
Sure, we could rent a place in France… except finding an apartment can be a real headache—landlords are picky and the housing bubble still hasn’t burst. Besides, old apartments are lovely but I clearly remember how damp they can be in the winter.
Life is expensive in France. I know, this is always debated among immigrants, but I do find the cost of living is lower in Canada. It’s not like we are rich here, but we are not penny-pinching either.
Finding a job in France is very hard, and the unemployment rate is high. Frankly, I don’t even know what I could do for a living there. Surely, I could find some translating/editing jobs but they don’t pay as much as in Canada and there may be less demand—France isn’t a bilingual country after all. As for Feng, his options would be really limited considering we would have to work out a visa for him, and that he doesn’t speak French.
And as much as I love my family, let’s be realistic: chances are, we wouldn’t live in the same city and wouldn’t see each other that much anyway.
Yes, after a week or so in France, I am no longer homesick. I feel comfortable with my decision to live in Canada, and I don’t regret it as I remember all the little things that drive me crazy in France, from shitty customer service to the lack of multiculturalism.
Curing homesickness isn’t that hard, it turns out. All you have to do is to visit “home” once in a while.
The really weird thing is when you start missing your right now home, I never think I’ll miss Paris when I’m in Canada but I do most of the time !
I can relate! That’s the immigrant life, I guess, your heart is in two places.
You can’t even imagine how I can relate to this article, I really enjoyed reading it. It makes me feel better actually.
After 2 years and a half without going back to France, I start feeling real bad. I really, really didn’t miss France at all at the beginning (I must be very selfish too 🙂 ), especially since, just like you, I’ve been living here with my soul mate. But it’s been a few month it became very hard. I’m tired and often sad, with no reason. Several of my dearest cousins got married and just had babies, I was not there. I miss my parents, grand parents, cousins, sister, friends, and I don’t even start on the pâtisserie subject. It’s not like I used to the family-social type, but important things seem to happen very far and I’m just by myself here.
On the bright side, I just got the permanent residency (‘only’ 20 months, hurrey!!) and we’re planning a trip back, beginning on next year. I.JUST.CANT.WAIT. 🙂
(I’ll count the days before french politeness in the metro makes me scream and come back here totally upset)
Wow, I hadn’t realized you hadn’t gone back in that long. That’s tough. I think I was almost two years without coming back a while ago, and I was really homesick at the end (and annoyed at France when I went there, of course…!).
I felt really depressed at times as well. I feel for you 🙁
But I am so happy to hear that you are now a permanent resident! That’s pretty awesome. So you are here to stay, for good, and soon to be a citizen. Yep, these three years go back super fast! That’s great news, I’m very happy for you two 🙂
Home is where the heart is…
(Yeah, I’m finally back!)
Glad to see you back!
Hello, I read your comments regarding to living in Canada and a question came to my mind that why you didn’t choose Australia to live? did you search about living in Australia before choosing Canada to live? I am going to move to another country and I am from Iran. I am a lady who love her family and I have doubtful which country is better to live and work? please guide me if you have any idea?
Thanks
Khatereh
I traveled to Australia twice, I enjoy the country but 1) I feel closer to Canada’s culture 2) Australia is VERY far from Europe and most other countries 3) Their immigration policies are quite restricted.
To each his own I guess!
I’m so homesick lately for my home country of Canada, moved to the US because I married an American, been here 4 years but I miss Canada so much and honestly wish it was simpler to move us all back.
I’m very sorry to hear that. Does your husband know and understand how you feel?
I really struggle with living in Canada, to clarify not financially, I just do not want to live here for the rest of my life. I hate the moment I decided to move and wish I can go back. Unfortunately it is not that easy.
I’m really sorry to hear that. How long have you been here? Is there anything in particular you dislike? Most people go through stages where they love their country, and then hate it. Sometime, Canada isn’t the right place for you, and there is nothing wrong with that. But you deserve to be happy, so a solution has to be found… in Canada or elsewhere.
Nothing about immigration homesickness is simple; it can be an emotional slap on the wrist or falling off a cliff. Everyone has to get through it in their own way. There is tho’ a need for immigrats to share their experiences
Hi there. I have read the article as well as pretty much all the comments. I have moved from the Netherlands to Australia 10 years ago now, having gone back about every 3 years. I still miss it, especially at the moment and it’s making me wonder if i should move back in the near future.
My parents are in Australia as well but not in the same city as me, which means due to the big distances, I don’t see them much, on average twice a year. I was 15 when we moved as a family.
I’m not even sure if I am homesick or not, but i feel partly i guess i am. However if i move back to the Netherlands, my parents and brothers & sisters will be even further away. But i miss the way of living there and my other extended family and old friends. This really makes me feel so double about where to live, not being able to just go back home plus have all my family nearby.
Anyone else experienced or is experiencing this?
Wow, this is a tough situation and not an easy place to be in. I went to Australia a couple of time and I remember how isolated I felt, geographically speaking. It’s… far. Far from the rest of the world, for sure.
Family matters a lot, of course, but you shouldn’t feel guilty no matter where in the world you decided to live. Are you happy in Australia? Would you have opportunities in Holland?
Was it a smooth move when you were 15 or were you already sad to leave Holland?