The last time I finally got around to getting a much-needed haircut, the receptionist tried to bully me into pre-booking my next appointment.
“Alright… how about four weeks from now, Monday at 11:30 a.m.?”
I wanted to laugh. Seriously, how am I supposed to make such a commitment?
“I’m sorry,” I apologized (like a good Canadian). “I will be back, the stylist did a great job. But my schedule is a bit hectic these days and I’m not sure when I will be available again.”
“Well, just book the appointment and plan to make room in your schedule! It’s a great way to remind yourself you need a cut once in a while,” she insisted.
Yeah, I know, my hair looked like shit. Thanks for the reminder.
“No, sorry, I really can’t.”
She rolled her eyes. I can’t blame her. But I don’t even know if I’m going to have time to eat tonight so honestly, haircuts aren’t on top of my list of priorities.
Time is a precious commodity these days, both because of my work and because of Mark.
Mark is a full-time job. From the moment he wakes up to the moment he finally sleeps, there are the feedings, the changings, the bath and countless hours where I have to keep him busy and entertained. I refer to these hours as my “semi-free time”. I can spend (ahem, waste, really) hours at the mall in the middle of the afternoon or be stuck at some playground all morning because really, what else can you do with a toddler? Any outsider would think I am lucky to be able to shop or sit in the sandbox in the middle of the day. It looks like I have it easy.
The problem is, I also have a full-time job. While I don’t have to sit at the office from 9 to 5, I do have assignments to complete, follow-ups to do, and invoices to send. And I can only do it when Mark sleeps or when I outsource his care to Feng (who is also busy working) or to my in-laws.
Add all the usual chores on top of that—grocery shopping, cleaning, etc.—and I’m left with exactly zero free time.
It’s kind of sad actually. I don’t have time to meet friends, to relax or to take care of myself.
The first few months after Mark’s birth, everyone was very understanding. Most folks know babies are tough at first and that it takes time to adjust. But Mark is one now and I should have it all figured out by now.
I don’t.
I hate to turn down offers of dinner at my friends’ place because I can’t take Mark (who would most likely NOT behave). I hate to cancel plans to have coffee because an assignment was sent out of the blue and all my free time will be spent translating a document or proofing a book.
I am seriously worried my friends are getting frustrated with me and that I will lose touch with the network I spent years building in Ottawa.
Let’s face it, I’m not the most social person. I have never been the one organizing parties, get-togethers and so on. I think I’m fairly friendly but I don’t have a large circle of friends (eh, I’m not even on Facebook!). But I value these friendships and I don’t want them to fade away. I lost touch with enough people when I left France and moved to Canada.
Sometimes, I wish I had a magic remote like in the movie “Click”. Cleaning up poop, doing household chores or stuck in rush hour traffic? Fast forward. Making Mark laugh, relaxing, hugging, getting a massage? Pause—and maybe even rewind.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that. So everything is a trade-off and I’m always stressed out. My days are divided into blocks of hours I try to arrange the best I can, like in a real-life Tetris game. “Okay, so if I take Mark out now I probably have time to do the grocery shopping while my client finds the right document I’m supposed to translate. I will be back home fifteen minutes before Mark’s bottle, so I can put the groceries away, clean the kitchen, change him, and make the bottle. He should be quiet enough after he eats so I should be able to check my emails and answer the most urgent questions before we go out again with Feng, who has to go to the post office, so while he does that I can go to the bank deposit my cheque with Mark…” etc.
You get the idea.
At least I hope you do.
It’s not that I don’t want to see people and have fun. It’s just that… it’s not that easy.
I think anyone with kids would be understanding of the situation, and people without kids should be understanding of the situation. If they’re not, I’d start to wonder about their tolerance levels… everyone knows toddlers are super needy!
Hopefully Mark will exit his phase of not letting anyone hold him and maybe your friends with toddlers can swap some babysitting time to give you some breathing room with your errands (in addition to your in-laws). It’s tough to raise children without a big support network, i.e., immediate families both around, extended family close by, playmate cousins, everyone chipping in.
Mark’s just turned one, he’s mobile and energetic. I think that’s harder than when they are infants and sleeping a lot more.
When my twin nieces were babies I thought my sister-in-law would lose her mind — she had three other pre-school kids at home. Just feeding them all was like a military operation. Incredulously, people I knew would ask me if she was working (had a traditional job), and I would look at them like “You think she has time to leave the house???”
It’s funny, because I’m not really a baby person (and Mark was a very needy velcro baby), I thought it would get easier as he grows up. Turned out that it’s actually even more difficult. Some days, I feel like I’m losing my mind!
Few of my friends have kids… only two, actually.
I don’t have kids yet but i totally understands. I used to be mad at my sister at first because she had no time for me when i used to call her on the phone. Then i moved in with her, i felt bad because dealing with a 2 yrs old (and now she has a newborn), it is not easy. My niece started behaving now a little(she can finally make up some sentences but still has big tantrums), but still my sister and brother in law has not been out at get-togethers with the kids yet. Actually, they have been to only 2 this year, one was a kid birthday party and the other was parent-teacher school night. I tried to take them out bowling, but my niece got freaked out because of the Halloween decorations. I think taking kids out is all about trial and error. I truly get it and it is tough.
I think my friends, with or without kids, understand (cause I have great friends). Still, I feel bad!
Of course they do ! You are awesome 🙂
Don’t worry, your friends understand!! 😉
Of course you do… cause you are the best! 🙂 (Seriously, I felt really bad for not attending the wedding!)
Being a good mom is a full-time job. Therefore, I’d say you have two full-time jobs.
Eh… that’s true, actually!
We’ll have a coffee soon. Whatever “soon” might be. 😉
Yes!!