Ottawa, November 2021
Ottawa, November 2021

Sometimes, it feels like living in Canada is just too much work. It’s a big place, getting around is neither easy nor cheap, plus harsh winter weather for at least four or five months. An individualistic culture prevails, so don’t expect to rely on various government levels or the community in general for support. It can get very lonely for immigrants because trusted long-distance relatives and friends are clueless about new challenges faced in a foreign culture. Healthcare and childcare are hard to access. Post-secondary education is expensive. Employee benefits are pretty basic. You’re on your own for many aspects of life.

On bad days, it’s freaking exhausting.

On good days, anything is possible.

For immigrants, the first constant dilemma that will never truly be resolved is who and what to trust—your culture and acquired common sense (possibly irrelevant in a completely different environment) or seemingly strange new ways of doing things. It takes a lot of trial and error to figure it out, a lot of energy to gain a new perspective on life. Eventually, you may end up embracing parts of Canadian culture and making peace with the fact some aspects of it are great but just not for you—I know I did.

Regardless, at one point or another, we all need help in life.

It took me ten years to need something from Canada. In our twenties, Feng and I had no money but no debt, a lot of freedom and few responsibilities. We weren’t irresponsible, mind you—we were working through life the North American way, from a series of minimum-wage jobs to careers we enjoy.

I was first introduced to the Canadian healthcare system in 2006 when Feng started complaining of back pain. He was barely able to stand up straight when we started going from walk-in clinic to walk-in clinic—“you’re young, just take Advil and walk it off!” was invariably the five-minute consultation final diagnosis. It took six months for a doctor to take him seriously and another six months wait for herniated disc surgery. He’s fine now, but he lost a year trying to access healthcare.

My turn to need help came in 2012 when I was pregnant. To put it bluntly, my experience with the Canadian healthcare system is disastrous. On the plus side, unlike our Southern neighbours, we don’t have to worry about medical debt. On the downside… well, where do I start? Waiting for years for a family doctor (we found one after 10 years, she quit, we’re back to square one), for months for referrals, for hours at walk-in clinics. Five-minute consultations and the “one issue per visit” rule. Not being taken seriously and not being listened to. No follow-up, you’ll never see the same doctor twice. I blame the system, not healthcare professionals, by the way—they looked completely burned out long before the plague.

Yeah, I’m not a big fan of healthcare in Canada.

Childcare was also a major hassle and it’s a big issue for immigrants who don’t have relatives around. We finally found a daycare centre for Mark when he turned two. The first one ($1500/month) declared bankruptcy a month later. The second one ($1000/month) closed before he even started. Third time’s a charm, but still, $800/month until kindergarten…

I find the education system exhausting as well. Mark’s public school feels like a mismanaged charity with inconsistent guidelines that reluctantly welcome kids for a few hours every day—no structure, no books, no homework and occasionally no teacher, but we do get tons of emails asking us to support reconciliation, racialized and minoritized individuals, anti-bullying policies, transgender identity, coffee fundraisers, virtual (!!) bake sales… Count me in (except for bake sales), but none of this feels particularly genuine, it’s just a script being followed.

The size of the country, the distribution of powers and the many jurisdictions are always a bit confusing and mind-boggling to me because France is still a very centralized state—smaller place, for sure, but one time zone, one legal system, a relatively consistent experience throughout the country.

Honestly, sometimes I feel there’s no adult in charge in Canada, that we’re all just making it up as we go along.

But what makes Canada at times so exhausting to me—this individualistic, “take care of yourself” society—is also why there are so many opportunities to seize.

This is the good side of Canada.

Far from your culture and support system, you tend to be bolder, more willing to take risks and try something new. This attitude is generally encouraged by a “whatever works for you” mindset. It’s okay to start your own business, change career, move around the country, be whoever you want to be, live the life you choose and change your mind along the way.

Canada is a country where you can meet people from all over the world and discover dozens of cultures just walking down the street.

You can fit in, in Canada.

My own experience is purely anecdotal, of course—and for the record, I don’t regret a thing. I wouldn’t have had the same opportunities and life in France.

I learned a lot in Canada, including being self-reliant, trusting my instinct, trying new ways of life…

But yeah, it’s exhausting.

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24 Comments

  1. Martin Penwald November 29, 2021 at 5:06 am

    > Honestly, sometimes I feel there’s no adult in charge in Canada

    Kenney is premier in Alberta, Ford in Ontario, Legault in Québec and Trudeau is prime minister, so, yes, it’s a pretty accurate description.

    Reply
    1. Zhu November 30, 2021 at 1:18 am

      I *knew* I was on to something!

      Reply
  2. Shandara November 29, 2021 at 8:49 am

    I also miss healthcare in France, it was so easy, just a phone call away! J’ai un docteur de famille, mais je te jure que tu ne le voudrais pas. On fait avec, pas le choix.

    Reply
    1. Mélanie November 29, 2021 at 11:08 am

      Zhu et ami.e.s francophones en Ontario (ou hors Québec…) :
      Je viens d’y penser. Si vous contactez les centres de santé francophones, vous pourriez peut-être avoir plus de chance à trouver un médecin de famille stable. Ce n’est pas mon cas et en fin de compte j’ai un médecin (malgré moi… lol), mais il y a des moments où j’ai eu envie de prendre cette route quand j’étais irritée… Quand je suis revenue dans mon village après vingt ans, j’étais sur la liste d’attente au centre de santé de l’Estrie et en fin de compte, je n’ai pas réussi à trouver un médecin à ce moment-là mais ici dans la capitale, j’ai fini par trouver avec mon conjoint… pas francophone. Et bon, ce n’est pas grave pour moi. Mais c’est une option à considérer car les services de santé, les service sociaux et l’éducation sont protégés en Ontario (les ayant-droits en éducation sont les gens ayant reçu leur éducation en français mais les conseils et organismes francophones ont souvent bien envie d’accueillir des francophones; pour les autres services sociaux et de santé, je crois que c’est pour toute personne qui souhaite s’exprimer en français). J’ai habité outre-mer et effectivement certains services ou programmes sont mieux administrés ailleurs. Probablement une majorité de Canadien.ne.s ne connaissent pas trop ou ne peuvent pas comparer dans le cas de personnes qui ont seulement habité ici. Ça prendrait des citoyen.ne.s plus engagé.e.s à mon avis…….. On est souvent content à se comparer aux USA sans voir plus loin. Mais continuons de lire ce merveilleux blogue pour ouvrir les yeux sur les possibilités . Merci pour ce texte!

      Reply
      1. Zhu November 30, 2021 at 1:25 am

        En fait, ça ne m’est jamais venue à l’esprit de regarder du côté des services francophones! On a ça à Ottawa à part Montfort?

        C’est drôle, je crois qu’en fait, je ne me sens pas… francophone ici, sauf par l’une de mes langues. Plus exactement, j’ai l’impression que comme je n’ai pas le vécu historique et la culture des francophones au Canada, je n’ai pas le droit de revendiquer cette partie de mon identité. En prime en étant mariée avec un anglophone!

        Je crois que je n’ai jamais croisé le chemin d’un professionnel de la santé francophone ici.

        (J’aime ton utilisation de l’écriture inclusive! Je dois prendre example 🙂 C’est beau, en plus.)

        Reply
    2. Zhu November 30, 2021 at 1:19 am

      Poor you… I felt the same with our GP (before she quit). We had her for two or three years and most of the time, it was just easier to go to the walk-in clinic. She was… not a very pleasant person.

      Reply
  3. From Senegal November 29, 2021 at 9:34 am

    I enjoyed this post!
    Thank you for this realistic feedback on how life in Canada looks life.
    What about the food aspects?

    Reply
    1. Zhu November 30, 2021 at 1:20 am

      Probably not Canada’s main selling point 😆 You will find all the article about food here: https://correresmidestino.com/tag/food/

      There are interesting specialties and ingredients, plus food from all over the world.

      Reply
  4. Can-Am November 30, 2021 at 11:05 am

    Here in NYC the schools are a mixed bag of nuts. Again, certain schools. Talking about the one where my son goes.
    Good things: We have had in our place for almost 2 years because of Covid a free wireless broadband service (courtesy of DoE), that after a few tweaks the whole family is using. It is basically like a 5G phone with unlimited hotspot ability.
    I really doubt if I need a phone number anymore.
    Also this makes me understand how much we pay for redundant internet/other services, while the government (DoE in this case) could make our life with kids easier. NYC being a rich city (even after all the corruption and what not) had an incredible infrastructure for the online education and in person as well. they have free food and after school programs.
    Quality is not bad, but then there is a ton of weird things which I am not happy about.
    I really need the time and mood to get into those bad things, but for the moment lets stay positive and focus on the goodies 🙂

    Reply
    1. Zhu December 1, 2021 at 2:06 am

      Oh, the free wireless broadband service sounds like a nice perk! Especially considering how expensive telco services are in North America (based on what I read online, the US is as expensive as Canada).

      You’re right, it’s best to focus on the positive side of things. I wasn’t bitter when I wrote this article but the pandemic made me realize that basic services (like health and education) are very, very important in society.

      Reply
  5. Lexie November 30, 2021 at 11:00 pm

    You know that already but regarding healthcare system and school, I find it pretty reliable in Quebec. I’m only dreading to have an emergency, like a bad injury for example. I’ve had friends who waited for a 10+ hours after having a hand cut deeply with a kitchen knife for example. And same for the career, i wouldn’t have had the same opportunities in France. Not at all.

    Reply
    1. Zhu December 1, 2021 at 2:09 am

      I do think the French education system in Canada is different. I see it with my friends in Ottawa who put their kids schools affliated with the French school board. Maybe it’s my French bias, but it makes more sense to me than the English school board.

      So what do you find “reliable” in the healthcare system in Quebec? I have no experience with it but pretty much all of my friends in Quebec, Canadian-born or not, complain about it.

      I wasn’t really comparing France and Canada. It’s a pointless and frustrating exercice anyway because countries change, people change 😉

      Reply
      1. Lexie December 1, 2021 at 8:52 am

        i think it’s not easy for everybody. On our hand, we until now we’ve been pretty lucky. We found our first doctor after a few months (we found one for B. who was a baby at that time and she accepted to take us too). When we moved to the South Shore, the system accepted to put us on a list that allows you to look for another doctor (because of the distance) without loosing immediately the first one). A new place opened in my neighborhood and we found a doctor right away. I started quickly to understand how to travel through the whole thing. In the past, I would go to my doctor only when needed, and to walk in clinics for the other things. Now my clinic does quick appointments too so it’s perfect. For kids, the system is good. I can go at our clinic, but there is also a bigger clinic for bigger injuries. And the children’s hospital is also really good. I don’t compare either with the French system, which is better in many ways, but I do think it’s not getting easy this days because of the lack of doctors.

        Reply
        1. Zhu December 4, 2021 at 1:17 am

          It’s great that you were able to find two GP right away! It definitely changes your perspective on healthcare.

          Reply
  6. Isa December 3, 2021 at 2:45 pm

    You know I feel the same way about it. It often feels like going through a washing machine cycle, yet again, living in Canada and feel like you’re fitting is one of the most rewarding things. I feel like living in France is also going through a washing machine cycle but at least, it’s a program I know well and master. That said, today, I’d do anything to be back! 😉

    Reply
    1. Zhu December 4, 2021 at 1:19 am

      I love the metaphor! It perfectly describes how I feel as well. And you’re probably right, at times it’s just easier mentally to handle the “program” you know and master… which is probably why I relate to the European mindset more than the Canadian mindset regarding the pandemic.

      Reply
  7. Soo Nee December 13, 2021 at 10:56 am

    I have been an immigrant in US for 24 years. I felt so lonely in the first couple of years because I missed my friends, family and familiarity in life. Then I was happier because I gained new friends and got used to the lifestyle, plus a great job. However, when I got into a different phase in life (motherhood), I felt “out of place”again because everything was so new and different. Others had strong family support, friend group who raised kids similarly (exactly like how they were raised) and they got together all the time. Eventually as my child grows up, her close friends from school and sports become my friends. I almost feel like I only have friends because of her haha!

    I feel exactly like you but because we are in different countries, the good and the bad are slightly different. However, the struggles of being an immigrant are the same. You have the benefit of your spouse being a native; I don’t, so we don’t have a big friend group here. Our closest friends are abroad whom we see every few years but feel comfortable immediately when we get together. I never regretted migrating here (in fact I feel very fortunate) because there are a lot of positives to me (vs. where I am from) – higher standard of living, good work life balance, safety/much lower crime rate, great healthcare though more expensive, lots of conveniences in life, great environment to raise kids (balance of academic/sports/social life). Life is tougher, hectic and more pressurizing in Asian countries. However, you sacrifice emotional support for all the positives. There are certainly days when I feel, wouldn’t it be nice when people around you are so similar to you and you can laugh about things in common that need no additional explanation.

    Reply
    1. Zhu December 14, 2021 at 12:02 am

      My experience is exactly the same as yours, as described in your first paragraph. And we’ve been immigrants for about the same number of years 😉 I wasn’t expecting to feel so lonely as a new mum because like you, I was starting to have a decent social life before I had him and I was in a good place work-wise. Motherhood in Canada was a brutal cultural shock I hadn’t expected for some reason. For the first time in a decade, I really wanted to go home where surely everything would have made more sense.

      I’m still not part of the Canadian mum’s club, partially because COVID started just when Mark was getting old enough (7) to develop after-school friendships. I remember we were planning his first playdate in March 2020 :-/ That said, I do feel much better than in the first few years of motherhood and I gained many friends over the years, not so much through Mark but through the motherhood experience.

      Feng only came to Canada as a teen and it lived in another province, so we both started from scratch in Ontario. But I hear you, I had access to some “Canadian shortcuts” through him because he understands Canadian culture better than I do (or least when I first came here).

      I find it interesting you mention more pressure than in Asia because from the Western perspective, many Asian countries are depicted as being hectic with a lot of pressure.

      Thank you for sharing your insights, I always enjoy reading your perspective 🙂

      Reply
      1. Soo Nee December 14, 2021 at 12:36 am

        I meant more pressure and hectic lifestyle in Asia vs. western countries. I come from a country whereby kids typically attend tuition classes right after school, don’t see their parents until the evening (dual income family with foreign maid at home) and don’t do any sports. I used to work 9-10 hours a day, 5.5 days a week but my employer still thought I was a slacker because the “driven”ones stay until 10pm-midnight. Also typo in first paragraph, I meant my daughter’s close friends’ parents became my friends. It will be so sad if I only make friends with kids lol! Actually it is more parents in sports (than school) because we spend so much time together waiting/watching them at practices or games/meets.

        Reply
        1. Zhu December 14, 2021 at 2:15 am

          Ah, got it! My fault 😉 I was a tutor in Hong Kong for a little while and I couldn’t believe the pressure kids faced. And French take education seriously! Same goes in Singapore as far as I remember.

          I remember meeting a few Japanese on the road, they had escaped from the “salaryman” lifestyle and they didn’t regret it :/

          Reply
  8. Christiane December 13, 2021 at 12:55 pm

    *** SLOW CLAP***
    Even though Canadian healthcare is not perfect (especially with long waiting times to see a specialist and mental health access resources), I prefer it compared to the States. For example, I remember going to the emergency because I thought I was having a heart attack (i did not and to this day, the dr did not know what happened) after hours of being there, I got a bill in the mail for approx $600 which included a fucking Tylenol they gave me. My sister gave birth twice in Maryland and both times the bills were fucking crazy. So I’m glad I did not have to pay for my c-section and bloodwork.

    The education system in the States is horrendous (unless you pay $$ for private). My kid’s school is fine and they could improve, but he likes his teachers. Maybe it is a small-town feel (but then again small towns have other problematic things, but that’s for another day). Also, the teachings about LGBTQIA+, sex/health education, and BIPOC history here is…ok and wish it could be MUCH better. But I realized that up to me to teach these to my kid.

    I am not going to rant about Canadian culture. It took me 5 yrs to REALLY GET IT. Like my other immigrant friend says “Canadians are polite, but not friendly”. It would have saved up a lot of heartache and depressive moments if someone had told me that every day before I get here.

    Ok, i am getting off my soapbox now.

    Reply
    1. Zhu December 14, 2021 at 12:08 am

      Side note, could your “heart attack” have been a panic attack?

      I can only compare the Canadian healthcare system to the French healthcare system, the only one I know. And this is not to say the French healthcare system is perfect but I do feel people trust it and don’t seem to struggle so much for access. My friends and family in France have good and bad experiences but all in all, it’s fairly reliable.

      As far as I know, the US healthcare system is fine… if you have a lot of money. Ah ah, sucks. This is purely based on what I can read online or what I’ve heard from friends, but US is a place where money drastically improves every single basic experience, like healthcare and education. It’s not like I’m discovering having money makes life easier… in America, the gap is wider than what we experience in Canada or Europe.

      Reply
      1. Christiane December 16, 2021 at 10:07 am

        I think it was a combination of exhaustion from the night before and the day of (i was doing a scavenger hunt that day at a museum) and maybe other factors who knows.

        US healthcare is like the circle of hell. Even with a decent job, some work only offers certain benefits and it helps a bit, but it depends. Even with my former job that had good health benefits, I dreaded going to hospitals or anything emergency-related because the bills are off the wall. Bloodwork…forget about it. Moving to Canada was when i started really going hard to make sure I get checked for everything.

        Reply
        1. Zhu December 17, 2021 at 2:33 am

          Thank you for the reminder that Canada gets this part of healthcare right. I was grateful I didn’t have to pay *anything* (except the $5 ultrasound pics!) when I was pregnant. And I was (still am) self-employed with no company benefits.

          Reply

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