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Will Winter Ever End?

Ottawa, Merivale Road, April 2019
Ottawa, Merivale Road, April 2019

It rained all day on Friday. It snowed on Saturday. As I’m typing this tonight, on May 1, there’s a freezing rain warning in effect, or rather, “a ‘messy mix’ of snow, ice, freezing rain and rain” weather statement from Environment Canada because apparently, even meteorologists gave up on trying to figure out what kind of shitty weather is coming our way.

On most days, it’s cold, gloomy, windy, rainy or most likely, a combination of all four. The snow final melted and there’s an ongoing flooding situation in many parts of Canada, including Ottawa.

Spring is late.

We’re all miserable.

Oh, we had a handful of nice days, but important fine print—a “nice day” is defined and lauded as such when the temperature reaches 15⁰C for a few hours in the middle of the afternoon. In the morning and in the evening, it’s chilly, and 15⁰C isn’t exactly warm in the first place.

As a People for Spring Union representative, I demand to see the CEO, whoever that it (the higher ups are always hiding in some fancy office on the top floor…).

What do we want?

Spring.

When do we want it?

Now.

I mean, seriously… it’s about time.

  • Winter floor mats have been removed in public building entrances and lobbies. Floors are clean and shiny, yet many of us are still wearing winter footwear.
  • Most restaurants and bars reopened their patios for summertime lounging and nothing is sadder than empty tables and chairs under the rain. Patio season is taken seriously here, CBC and other medias even report on it when it starts.
  • Supermarkets opened their “garden centres” with potting soil, gardening tools as well as trees and flowers. The poor flowers left outside look cold…
  • “What’s that thing on the tree?” Mark asked yesterday, pointing to a bud. That’s how long winter has been—we forgot that trees can have leaves and flowers.
  • Clothing shops are all selling the season’s latest style, i.e. skirts, dresses, t-shirts and swimsuits. It’s very awkward to take off your winter clothes in the changing room to try on a pair of shorts you may wear weeks from now.
  • Even the most enthusiastic members of #TeamWinter are weary of their favourite season and begging for spring.
  • The weather is seasonably warm in non-tropical parts of the Northern Hemisphere. Most of the time, I have to add “… and I’m not joking” when I give my parents the usual weather report.
  • I need to wash my winter jacket, and I’m sure I’m not the only one in this situation. Problem, I still need my weather jacket.
  • The Ontario Landlord and Tenant Act states that the end of the heating season is June 15, but many public buildings and households are starting to turn down the heat after months of high hydro bills—it’s cold inside!

We ask you, CEO of Canadian Weather Inc., to consider our points carefully.

Else… I’ll teach peaceful Canadians a few French riot tricks.

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