Has the pandemic made more people turn to faith or abandon religion?

I don’t believe in any kind of higher power—it’s not really the idea of a god I dislike, it’s the fan club I can’t stand—but I still find purpose and meaning in life. And the last few thousands of years have pretty much shown that religion isn’t a great source of morality.

Still, sometimes I wish I could turn to someone or something when nothing makes sense anymore.

And currently, the world doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.

I’ve been feeling a bit lonely and lost in Salvador. It’s a lively, colourful and picturesque city but it’s not an easy place where people have easy lives, yet life goes on.

I don’t go into deep thoughts much during the day because I’m busy, there are places to explore, groceries to get and Brazilian “mysteries” to solve, not to mention verbs to conjugate in Portuguese. Everything feels pretty normal here. People aren’t scared of each other, like I said, life goes on with minor adjustments. But once I reconnect with Europe or North America checking the news and chatting with friends, I wonder how I’m still alive.

And it all comes back to me. I have no idea how to go home because I literally don’t have a way to go home. I have two fucking passports and nowhere to go. People who actually know me and (hopefully) love me are either 8,000 kilometres further north or 8,500 kilometres west.

I can’t go home because despite a pre-boarding test I could still be positive. Nothing is working and the world is a lonely place because we could potentially get sick.

A year after it all started, we’re back to square one. I just can’t compute.

And one evening, sitting on the balcony, thinking about this and going crazy, I spotted a guy wearing a tee-shirt that said “Eat healthy, stay fit, die anyway.”

It made me laugh. Well, as long as sarcasm exists, we’ll be fine.

I spent a couple of stormy days in Salvador focusing on indoor attractions, both because I could (my French family reminds me every day how much they miss going to museums) and because I thought it may rain. It didn’t rain for more than a minute or two but I discovered lovely places.

The most famous indoor attraction in Salvador is the Elevador Lacerda where you do spend about 30 seconds in an actual elevator that takes you from Cidade Alta (upper city) to Cidade Baixa (lower city) for 0.15 reais ($0.028). Trust me, it’s safer to take the elevator than the small alleys, even during a pandemic.

Second most popular indoor attractions are the many, many churches. I spent time in the Igreja e Convento de São Francisco—right in front of a large cross imported from Lisbon!—with exuberant golden woodwork and I almost got lost in the huge Catedral Basílica de Salvador with an underground maze or hallways leading to a sacristy, library, and ossuary.

I still don’t believe in a higher power but humans build really nice stuff.