“I’m scared of going to the bathroom.”

“Me too, Mark, me too.”

“It’s like it has a mind of its own.”

“Last night, the lid started closing on me.”

“I don’t even know which button to press! And this evil blue light…”

We can handle Chinese-style squat toilets. However, the three of us are completely puzzled by our Chongqing apartment’s super fancy toilet. It’s so fancy it’s scary. I don’t want my butt to be washed randomly. I don’t want the lid to lift off when I walk by—I was going to brush my teeth, I didn’t want to go pee (yet)!

Just like in South America and elsewhere in the world, we’re renting apartments because they are typically more comfortable than hotel rooms. We can do our laundry, put takeout in a fridge, use the microwave (or, ahem, a steamer), and more.

But apartments can be mysterious places halfway across the world.

I know what to expect from Brazilian apartments. Based on a few fuzzy images, I can accurately predict the brand of the washing machine, microwave, and cookware. I have mastered the art of the perfect suicide shower and the use of the sandwicheira. I’m no longer surprised by couches that come with cupholders or built-in churrasqueira na varanda because who doesn’t love grilling meat on the balcony?

But Chinese apartments are relatively new to me—to Feng as well, mind you, because his last Chinese apartment was a Communist dān wèi and the toilets were outside.

After experiencing several Chinese apartments, we can all agree that the bathrooms could use some improvement. In Beijing and Zhengzhou, we had no shower cabin or curtains, so everything was getting wet. In Chongqing, we had half a door—better than nothing, but the entire bathroom was still getting wet. Also, are painted walls really a good choice for a shower?

On the plus side, Chinese apartments always come with free slippers and pretty good bedding.

Life here is full of puzzling and entertaining moments. So when I’m done inspecting apartment features, I go out and watch people live their lives.

Here are the people of Chongqing—or at least, a few of them!