When was the last time you experienced a moment of sheer fulfillment?

When was the last time you breathed a sigh of relief and had this unwavering belief that everything would turn out alright?

I know this feeling. I’ve experienced it before. It’s a mix of calmness and hope. It keeps you going forever, and it’s worth waiting for.

I remember waking up at sunrise in the overnight bus from Mexico City to Cancún. The sea was a shade of blue I had never seen before—I had to blink several times to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. We were the last few passengers at the back of the bus. Feng had moved to the seat behind me at one point, and he was still asleep. The bus was going straight on a narrow strip of land, the Caribbean Sea on both sides, and I remember thinking that I was right where I wanted to be, excited about what was going to happen, no matter what was going to happen on the way to Brazil, our ultimate goal. I was 18, I had just graduated from high school, the guy I very much wanted to be with was behind me, and the world I very much wanted to explore seemed full of endless adventures.

I experienced a similar feeling when I met Mark for the first time, after a quite painful night spent pushing him out. He was absolutely perfect, and having a baby boy was a complete surprise. I felt invincible—we had made a human being from scratch!    

I’m familiar with happiness, from contentment to joy. I’m happy when I travel, when I share a moment with people I love, when I write or take pictures, when I create something, when I make someone happy, and when I accomplish something that’s inconsequential to the world but important to my eyes.

But I haven’t experienced a moment of sheer fulfillment in a long time. Most of the time, I’m just trying to be okay, and it makes me sad that “okay” is the new baseline.

It’s not me, really. The world is a hell of a lot more complicated these days. Most people I know—including myself—are walking a fine line between saving the day and doing damage control. Money isn’t great, work isn’t great, life isn’t great, but hey, it’s okay for now.

I consider myself lucky; I know what and who makes me happy.

Come hell or high water, I’ll keep on looking for these precious moments of bliss.

Meanwhile, here are the people of Nantes and around, June heatwave edition!