Only in Brazil will you see me with a weird 7:30 a.m. routine—swimsuit, sunscreen, Havaianas.

Hell, only in Brazil will you see me up at 7:30 a.m., waiting for the “chegando” WhatsApp message and climbing into a random van, SUV, or 4×4 to hop from beach to beach with a bunch of strangers. I mean, in some countries, this is basically a slasher movie scenario. And in real life, if you wake me up at 7:30 a.m., I might very well be the bloodthirsty killer.

“Já foi na Praia do Coqueirinho? Já foi na Praia de Tambaba? Já foi ver o pôr do sol no Jacaré?”

Brazilians name-drop beaches the way the French name-drop art galleries—or Canadians name-drop their local temperatures.

Frankly, in João Pessoa, I was quite happy with Praia de Cabo Branco, just down the street, but I had to go a bit further and check out other beaches—which is how I ended up with that 7:30 a.m. wake-up call. Hey, at least it’s hot and sunny here, which makes getting up early for that and other João Pessoa moments a little less painful.

Beach-Hopping, Brazilian Style

I only signed up for one passeio, the classic Litoral Sul 1—yes, there’s a Litoral Sul 2 and a Litoral Norte. I’ve tried them all over the years, and I still think this one has the best beaches, including a nude one hidden just next to Tambaba’s iconic single palm tree perched atop a rock—I swear my picture wasn’t generated by AI.

I took the picture and started walking toward the nude beach. I’ve been there before; it’s lovely and safe.

Then I paused and turned around.

“Do you want to go to the other beach?” I asked my passeio mates.

The mother and daughter from Acre—that’s near Peru, across the country; I’d never even heard of the state before—were too busy taking pictures of salt water. They don’t get that back home, thousands of kilometres inland.

The snotty couple from Recife who got married two months ago shook their heads. “Certainly not,” the woman said.

The solo traveler from Fortaleza hesitated.

“If you want to go, you’ll have to go with me,” I explained. “Men aren’t allowed in alone.”

“Is it… weird?”

“Not really. You just take your clothes off and go in the water or whatever. Look, we don’t even have to stick together—we just walk in together and then do our own thing.”

“Bora.”

And so we went.

We took our clothes off and two seconds later…

“Would you mind taking a picture for me?”

Brazilians and their damn Instagram accounts.

Mind you, everyone was taking pictures, hiding body parts artistically because their mum is probably on Instagram too.

“Just move your arm a bit and… perfect.”

And this is why I now have a series of pictures of my naked butt. Does it count as porn if it’s just you?

After that, we moved on to Praia de Coqueirinho—yes, there are indeed a lot of palm trees—for the classic thong-bikini beach experience.

The trip ended at Praia do Amor, where you’re supposed to walk under a vaguely heart-shaped rock visible at low tide. The newlyweds made a dramatic production of it but rest of us were less invested—mostly because by then we were sandy, wet, and tired.

Sunset at Praia do Jacaré

Another iconic “você tem que ir!” João Pessoa experience is the sunset at Praia do Jacaré, by the Paraíba do Norte River. Most people sign up for a passeio that includes a boozy mini-cruise on the river. I’d just never bothered—until I realized I could Uber there and see the sunset anyway.

I booked a mototaxi for the full Brazilian experience. I’m almost not scared anymore. Like, I keep my eyes open. However, wearing a dress may not have been my most strategic decision.

“I wonder if people swim in the river…” I wondered to myself while my driver navigated traffic. It’s a beach, after all—or at least that’s what the name says.

I laughed at my own stupidity as soon as I arrived in Jacaré.

I had forgotten that “Jacaré” means “alligator”—my brain processed it as a place name, not the animal. The giant alligator statue on the main street quickly set me straight.

Yeah, nobody was swimming in the river.

The sunset was nice, though—no alligators in sight, but, as per tradition, a saxophonist on a white speedboat playing Ravel’s Bolero.

João Pessoa’s Inventive Street Food by Night

What did I do the rest of the time? Well, in João Pessoa, it’s easy—beach during the day, waterfront at night, when it turns into a lively open-air kitchen with vendors selling everything you can possibly want to eat, from corn to churros to meat skewers, pizza, soup, giant slices of creamy cake, and, of course, booze. It’s crazy what you can pull off with a cart.

It’s been a fun week. João Pessoa was easy.

And apparently, Brazil is the only place that can convince me that 7 a.m. is worth it.

I’ll be up tomorrow—not for a beach trip, but for another adventure somewhere else.