It’s Hard to Come Down from the China High

Something is missing.

Shit, Feng.

I took him to the train station this afternoon. I even carried his suitcase down the stairs because old French buildings don’t have elevators, and I was afraid he’d get hurt right before his transatlantic trip—this is the kind of things that happen to Feng, trust me, I’ve known him for 26 years.

Of course, his TGV arrived 15 minutes late. “You’re very unlucky!” I exclaimed. “It’s usually on time… but hey, you can board without showing your passport, and you can leave the station without showing it, too.”

After China, everything feels easy in France. I mean, it’s home to me, plus I can read all the letters and I know most of the products and ingredients in supermarkets.

It’s less exciting, sure, but it’s comfortable and safe.

For me, at least.

For Feng, it’s still a cultural adventure.

“Kiddo got himself an amazing steak and onion crêpe!” he told me after he took Mark to a crêperie.

“Er, Daddy… I can actually read the menu in French.”

“Remember when you discovered that the French enjoy putting a barely cooked sunny-side-up egg on pizzas and crêpes? I thought you might faint…”

Damn, I miss Feng.

I’m feeling a bit meh.

It’s hard to come down from the China high. Figuring things out and finding my way again around new cities were keeping my mind busy. Oh, I had a VPN, so I didn’t miss the fact Russia is still invading Ukraine, Palestinians are still dying in Gaza, and Trump wants the Nobel Prize. But things were happening in another world, far, far away.

I feel the same when I’m hiding in Central or South America. There are tons of social and political issues as well, but overall, there’s also a sense of hope and energy I can’t find in North America—and to some extent, in Europe.

I’m a bit lost. Doing something constructive makes me very happy, but I’m not sure where to start because everything feels pointless and futile. Blogging? Forget it, everybody is on social media! Translating or writing? Fuck it, AI took over creativity! Hoping for a better world? Ah, ah, look at the current leaders!

In 1999, when 16-year-old me came back from China, I crashed. I slept for two days straight, then I started wondering how to get the hell out of France, make money, and explore the world. I put all my energy into studying to graduate from high school and get a university degree because, surely, it would open doors.

I did graduate from high school and university. And studying hard did open doors, although not the expected ones—but I did find doors and opportunities.

I’m looking for more doors now.

I don’t think I’ve adjusted to the local time yet—or to the fact summer is almost over already.

Maybe my mum is right—I should sleep.