I’ve been receiving hateful comments for a little while now.
The latest one was fairly mild compared to a few previous ones, but I still cringed when I read it. I wasn’t ready for it. It’s weird to be sitting at the computer, a cup of coffee in hand, and run your eyes over a few hate-filled paragraphs. It’s like getting punched in the face as you walking down the street. You have no idea what’s happening, why it’s happening and how you’re supposed to react, but it hurts.
I took a sip of coffee and read the long “comment” again.
The person was reacting to my Ontario vaccine passport story. I think the opening sentence was “Canada is the greatest country on earth”—an arguable assumption and probably nothing more than provocation, but as the mom of an eight-year-old, I’m trained to not respond to provocation.
It went downhill from there.
By the way, I’m quoting from memory—and I hate myself for remembering so much of it—because I deleted this comment. I didn’t know what to do with it. Publishing it without a reply felt like pure masochism. I would have been tempted to kill the troll with kindness if a name and real email address had been entered, but the email provided was “whydoyoucare” and the name was “ahahah”—no point in wasting time on cowards.
I toyed with the idea of taking a screenshot. But what was I going to do with it? Share it on Twitter to summon my own personal army? I did it once and it didn’t make me feel any better—emotional validation is overrated.
So I deleted it and now I don’t have any proof it happened. Does it matter? Do I need proof? Am I going to receive comments stating I made it up, I’m just an attention whore manufacturing drama?
See, that’s what I mean. Anything you write online is subject to scrutiny that can breed disaster.
Alright, let’s assume we’re all being reasonable, grownup people here. I pinky swear I’m not making it up.
This person was telling me that my French proof of vaccination *was* questionable since it didn’t have time of vaccination and that it was all my fault, I was a “dumb bitch” for not getting vaccinated in Canada, “not very clever” for leaving the country during a pandemic. And also, my posts are a waste of time, I’m ugly, stupid, not interesting, blah, blah blah.
Thanks, eh.
I looked up the IP out of pure curiosity. Not a Russian or Chinese bot, my new friend lives in Toronto apparently.
So someone was mean to me, big fucking deal.
The thing is, I’m getting tired of hate comments and I’ve been getting a lot of them, which is strange because I don’t think I’m particularly offensive or controversial. Seriously, if this blog’s posts are the most maddening thing you’ve read lately, go check out Twitter, YouTube or any comments section on news websites—you’re sure to find something to be angry about and like-minded antagonistic people.
I tend to be sarcastic but I’m not looking for an argument. Quite the opposite, actually—I like to think my experiences and life in my little corner of the world probably intersect with yours, whoever you are, whatever your background is. I enjoy these moments when we’re all caught up in our little bubble, safely tucked under layers of inherited and acquired beliefs and customs, and we suddenly all look up just to realize life’s mundane experiences bring all of us together. Oh, look, we’re not that different after all!
This is mostly why I enjoy writing. I share my experience because I’m wondering if you can relate. And I’m learning something in the process too.
I understand decisions I make or opinions I have may be questionable. Just as well, I’m not recruiting an army of mini-me followers—plus, between us, most of the time I just don’t know whether I’m right or wrong and I suspect there may be no right or wrong, just paths we take without knowing where we’re going to end up.
Okay, so hateful comments. I received daily death threats throughout our trip to Brazil and my unexpected stay in France. The “I hope you get sick and die stupid bitch” kind of messages—actually, most of the time, literally that plus some virtue signalling and inventive name calling. I can understand why my decision not to spend winter in Canada last year can be controversial but it’s not like I said “COVID is a hoax, fuck you guys, I’m out.” I could argue that I felt safer outside than indoors in Canada, that I took multiple PCR tests, that I respected all measures in place and more but I guess death-threat people don’t give a shit. I was wrong, period.
And apparently I’m wrong about many things.
Other seemingly innocuous posts triggered hate comments as well. Last year, Mark going back to school was “child abuse” considering “the situation.” Getting vaccinated? I’m “bragging but just a dumb sheep.”
I used to get a strangely mean comment once in a blue moon but it’s a regular thing now. I deleted my Flick account in 2019 because of creepy users. I don’t have a Facebook account and I don’t use Twitter. I tend to second-guess my English—do I have to second-guess what I’m writing about as well? Avoid mentioning this or that because it could be controversial? Assume that whatever I say will be taken literally? Expect to be judged and criticized just because?
Well, the best way to avoid hate comments would be to stop writing, but then I’m punishing myself.
Internet “mob justice” and virtue signalling scare me. It’s just too easy to judge perfect strangers without context.
Empathy, people.
It’s a thing, really.
Why is everyone so angry all the time?
People are the literal worse. I’ve noticed since the pandemic started, people online have become so much more cruel. Or maybe the cruel people just have more time on their hands? I am on Facebook, and it just seems like the horrible people are out in droves. I guess they’ve never heard the saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”
I’m glad I’m not on Facebook because I dislike the company and apparently, it’s full of people with a not-so-nice agenda. I understand why so many people have a FB account, though! Last year I chalked it up to “people have too much free time”. I just hope we can all move on and be… nicer?
Je n’ai jamais eu de “haters” sur mon blog mais je compatie tellement, j’aimerais vraiment pas que ça m’arrive, même maintenant que je n’écris plus tellement. À l’époque, j’avais tellement eu de belles rencontres grâce à ça! Mais sur Facebook… aie aie aie, parlons-en même pas. Les mots peuvent être durs parfois.
Le truc le plus curieux, c’est que ça tombe du ciel, souvent je me demande pourquoi et commence ça tombe sur moi. Je suis assez “cachée” dans mon petit coin d’Internet, faut me trouver quand même! Et c’est vraiment n’importe quel sujet qui peut déclencher des commentaires haineux, même pas des prises de position controversées. Je te souhaite que ça ne t’arrive pas 🙂
Sorry to hear that you’re receiving mean comments! People should be able to disagree with you and still respond kindly and reasonably. Or not respond at all. Seems simple. Most of us enjoy your blog and are glad you keep writing and sharing with us!
I don’t mind disagreements and I’m not claiming I’m right or wiser or whatever…. definitely not trying to be a role model 😆
one of young feminist in Indonesia, once, tweeted : she met her hater in person, eventually. the counter party didn’t speak well, “jumping conversation”, the person was unable to speak in an understandable sequence with a very poor articulation. hence, she won’t get too cringed from getting offensive comments in social media (or internet)
I like this wisdom!
Mais c’est dingue … Je me demande parfois où ces trolls trouvent tant d’énergie pour déverser leur haine gratuitement ? N’ont ils pas mieux à faire dans la vie ?
Juliette tu as bien fait de ne pas rentrer dans la polémique et d’effacer ce commentaire. Et sois assurée du soutien de tes lectrices et lecteurs fidèles !!
Ce qui me fait vraiment peur, en fait, c’est cette haine aveugle que peuvent se prendre des jeunes. Moi ça va, hein, il en faut plus pour me traumatiser. J’avoue que ça fait bizarre, quand même. Donc j’imagine pour un(e) ado… gloups.
(Et contente de te revoir! J’espère que tu vas bien :-))
Yeah, there are a lot of assholes down there, and let’s be honest, some of them express themselves just because you’re a woman. I often see this as men’s frustrations due to religious/patriarcal upbringing.
Unquestioned loyalty to a country is a mark of an autoritarian mindset (the regressive conservatives are still the main opposition), dedicated to destroy human rights for anyone they don’t like.
I can’t tell whethever the commenter (or most of the hate comments) are from a man or a woman but I noticed that things get more… personal when a woman is attacked. Not specifically in my case, just based on what I’ve seen online.
I suspect it is the reason Alice from Alice in Québequie stopped writing a few years ago. It’s a shame, but it’s important to think to one’s own mental health. That’s why Suzanne Titkemeyer from No Longer Quivering stopped too last year. She received a lot of hate mail from christian fundamentalists, with specific misogynist threats.
I think so too if I remember correctly. I was in touch with her on Twitter and by email (or direct messages) long after she stopped blogging. It’s too bad, I liked her writing and sense of humour but I understand her decision.
I didn’t know “No Longer Quivering”… and now I’m curious!
That’s through her blog I found yours.
Bah merde, je ne lui ai jamais dit merci pour ça!
It is a part of life, as everyone knows life has very unsavory aspects, from meanness to pure cruelty, illness to death, etc. which we would rather not deal with, but that is not possible, it is part of the spectrum on which “the human condition” unfolds.
In this particular case, mean words can be very effective indeed and should never be underestimated. I prefer not to use quotes if I can avoid it but there is a Mongolian proverb which I think sums up very well the impact this can have: “In a good word there are three winters’ warmth; in one malicious word there is pain for six frosty months.” Being aware of this reality should make it easier to detach from it… Best wishes.
I love the quote! Beautifully put. I’m fortunate that I have enough positive people around me to stay warm 😉
I’m sorry to hear about you getting mean comments.
I like reading you even if I hardly comment on your posts and I don’t think you deserve any unpleasant comments. Take heart.
I think it just surprises me how… well, people can be so mean. Not in my particular case but just everywhere online. I don’t get it. I would feel quite shitty if I spent my days sending random people hateful comments.
Thank you for your kind words!
There is very few blogs to follow these days about regular people with regular life. People who used to blog for self promotion or seeking validation from others have moved on to platforms like Instagram and Tiktok. It takes effort, time and thoughts to write in order to share your life and perspectives on blogs and most people are just not equipped to do that. I am on Facebook but mostly post within my private family/close friends group because we are spread out globally, therefore Facebook is the most efficient way to keep up with each other’s life. I also join some local FB groups, e.g. community, local moms or parent advocate for school – just to keep up with the current affairs because I have a child advancing through the school system that neither my husband nor I are familiar with. Since the pandemic, Black Lives Matter and Presidential election, Facebook has become a platform to squabble about anything and everything. Everyone has an opinion and instead of presenting a different viewpoint in a civil manner, it is about belittling whoever has a different opinion. What is worse is adults forming alliance on Facebook to ‘bully’ and intimidate people who don’t agree with them. The bully part probably doesn’t need inverted coma because it is legitimately bullying. Last week, I was reading an e-newsletter from my daughter’s middle school counselor about National Bully Prevention Month, 2-3 pages about awareness, prevention and action plans. After which I checked my Facebook and came across parents bullying each other openly on a local group regarding an incident in school; lots of accusations without facts and the anger just shot through the roof. This is the crazy unsettling environment we are in today.
However, I simply can’t comprehend why strangers would attack you on your blogs. This is a platform whereby you actually need to seek out and spend the time reading it. Most importantly, whatever you wrote about regarding your experience doesn’t affect their lives one way or the other. Therefore, it is incomprehensible about the hateful comments directed at you. Other than these people have so much pent up anger and time that they just want to fight anyone.
I applaud you for your courage to blog about your life and unapologetically express your emotion and view points. That’s why I enjoy reading your blog. It is actually nice to get a peek into someone else’s life, which is so different and in a different environment. However, it can be quite scary when hateful comments just surface from nowhere. You are right for deleting it without commenting. Many a times, I had the urge to respond on FB to call out some asinine comments but when I stepped back and thought about it, I realized it wouldn’t serve any purpose other than intensifying the situation. These are the people who need to feel good about themselves by having the last words. So let them be.
First of all, if you ever start a blog or decide to share stories online… let me know, I’d read you! I love how you express yourself, you have a way with words 🙂
Like you, I realized a while ago that many, many people just stopped blogging. I’m actually actively looking for new blogs to read because I do enjoy these life stories and other cultural moments we share! I’m assuming everybody move on to Tik Tok, YouTube, Facebook or whatever but while I’m not against social media per se, I just don’t find content super creative most of the time. It’s just not as engaging to me.
I sympathize with the “having a child in a school system neither parents attended” issue! Feng and I feel the same about Mark’s school in Ontario. We’re… lost. To me, this is the late cultural shock I didn’t see coming considering we’ve been in Canada for respectively three and two decades.
The online environment is needless adversorial in both North America and Europe these days, no matter what platform. I mostly use Twitter for traffic reports and I see people arguing about the craziest things. We’re all so divided on… well, just about anything. It’s crazy.
I don’t really understand why I get hate comments either considering I’m kind of hidden in my corner of the Internet. And I don’t think I have true enemies in real life either… it’s weird. But I’m not that worried about a few idiots and I think I’m old enough to handle it. I’m scared for kids, teens or anyone who isn’t doing great right now and may be facing hateful comments because it did affect me to a certain extend, so I can imagine how devastating it can be.
Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts and the school anecdote!
Thank you! I guess the way I express myself is different because English is not my first language. It is an interesting idea about starting a blog to share my deepest/hidden thoughts and emotions, especially for a transplant like me. However, due to my cultural background, I am still quite private… even after years of socializing with Americans who love to talk about themselves. LOL! I have changed a lot over the years, more comfortable sharing but still, blog is way beyond my comfort zone 🙂
I guessed that English wasn’t your first language only because of your name and the fact you mentioned foreign experience with the education system… but for all I knew, you could have been an Australian living in the US, a Brit living in New Zealand or a Canadian living in the US 😉 Nothing else gave a clue that English isn’t your mother tongue 😉
I’m quite open and comfortable enough with sharing feelings, although not as much as some North Americans (oversharing much? :lol:). This is why I like blogging. I’m intentionally vague about many aspects of my life, including my daily schedule, relatives, work, etc. but then I don’t mind sharing issues that I think other can relate too. But you won’t find the name of a client, co-worker, negative stories including people I name, etc. Basically, I can control what I’m sharing and I don’t feel it’s the same on social media where anyone could technically (if we’re “friend” of connected) find my siblings, parents, clients, etc.
Hi Juliette, thanks for popping over and commenting on my Monday Mural post.
Wow, I haven’t yet had anyone writing threatening comments on my blog, so sorry you get these weirdos doing it! If they don’t like or agree with something that is written, just move on, you don’t have to be nasty!
It’s amazing what people will write under anonymity! Like you did I would just delete it and carry on.
I’m glad to hear you never had to deal with hateful comments!
I subscribed to your blog I found recently because let’s face it, I probably won’t travel again to OZ anytime soon, so I get my fix of Down Under through you 😉
wow i am sorry you have been receiving those hateful comments ! Yes people are the worse ! Don’t stop writing! Haters are going to hate no matter what….and yes some folks have too much time on their hands #iknowwhatyoumean
Did you get weird comments in Twitter for instance? You’re pretty open about your choices, no doubt some people could be offended (cause people love to get offended…).
I get more weird comments in person than on Twitter. I have not logged in to my Twitter for months now and i don’t miss it that much lol
Oh, keep it this way! Twitter is pretty toxic these days. I mostly use it for traffic reports 😆 (and even this is controversial!)
Hey J.
Keep it up. And stop caring about all this. If you have been blogging this long I am surprised you havent grown a thick skin for this.
Either way I always take the online world not that seriously, While the real world is very different.
My 2 cents from NYC.
Thank you, wise New Yorker!
Strangely enough, in 15 years of blogging, I didn’t deal with trolls that much. It got worst the past couple of years.