It turned chilly much faster than usual. As if we needed something else to worry about, Environment Canada predicts a colder and wetter winter. I’ve been wearing jeans since I came back from France and I occasionally throw on a hoodie or even my long jacket.

“You know, Feng, you don’t have to wear shorts just because it’s still technically summer. It’s 10°C. Your Canadian citizenship won’t be revoked if you admit it’s cold.”

But we won’t admit it and I can’t find the energy to complain about the weather yet.

It’s too early.

Last week, just when Mark started grade 3—or possibly because most kids in Ontario were finally going back to school and parents back to work—Ottawa announced the second COVID-19 wave had started and that, shockingly, “it was 100% driven by human behaviour.” Well, no shit. I’m shopping in Chinatown regularly, I swear no one is feasting on pangolin these days.

I noticed shoppers were stockpiling sugar, canned veggies and frozen pizzas last weekend, so I put social media and news distancing on hold for a couple of days to get a reality check.

“Alarming upward surge,” “alarming jump,” “wake-up call”—okay, got it.

Apparently, you’re supposed to blame the millions of planes landing in Canada packed with COVID-positive passengers, the millions of Americans crossing into Canada and touring around instead of going straight to Alaska, the millions of Canadians hosting giant house parties, the millions of neglectful and irresponsible parents sending kids back to school, the millions of Canadians not wearing a mask when having sex and more.

Yes, the atmosphere is a bit toxic.

“For fuck’s sake! Top scientists all over the world have been studying COVID for six months and the best we can do is cover our face and avoid other people? And we can’t even do that properly? We’re doomed!”

I know I’m being unfair but I wish we had more science, more data, more insight into COVID by now. Just testing is still a clusterfuck with centres at full capacity and long lineups. And with pandemic fatigue, it looks like 50% of people are now into conspiracy theories and 50% spend their time urging for Draconian restrictions that are not necessarily helpful or doable.

Further steps into Ontario’s reopening plan have been put on hold. Social gatherings have been limited again—10 people indoors, 25 outdoors. If you hear a party, you’re encouraged to call the snitch line.

We’re all wondering if we’re heading for a second shutdown. Apparently, 75% of Canadians would approve. I find it doubly puzzling—who can afford it and should we get used to shutting down the entire country every few months for the foreseeable future?

“Depends on how the question is phrased,” a friend of mine chimed in. “A one-week shutdown with the guarantee it helps? Sure. A winter-long lockdown without pandemic money? I don’t think so.”

There’s a sense of urgency to enjoy what we can before it gets worse, before winter—and winter is a big issue. If private, indoor gatherings are already largely contributing to the spread of the virus now, how bad it is going to get when socializing outside won’t be an option? And we do need indoor activities options otherwise we are basically trapped at home for six months.

I started going to the gym every day again. There are fewer classes and spots have to be booked through the app three days ahead but despite the inconvenience, I love the normalcy of sweating in the studio with 17 strangers (in case you were wondering, we stick to our spot and yes, we take off our mask). However, it’s probably not a sustainable business model for the gym—the facility is eerily empty both because people are scared to come and because of capacity limits.

Long lineups in front of grocery stores are gone, I think capacity limits were increased over the summer. Food prices are noticeably higher and it sucks. As far as I can tell, people do wear a mask as requited in indoor public spaces. You can also buy hand sanitizer bottles and reusable masks* (*and not “Marks”, my original typo!) everywhere.

I met a handful of friends for a walk and a coffee—including inside Starbucks, when it was too cold to sit outside. I’m not scared to go to the restaurant, mall or movie theatre but I can’t be bothered because both because restrictions make it inconvenient and I don’t feel like spending money.

I’m not overly worried about getting sick given our lifestyle in Ottawa. I’m not in denial either, but we’re doing our best to follow guidelines and I think the chance of airborne or surface transmission is pretty low otherwise we would all be dead or immune by now.

I’m worried about everything else, though. Feng is still out of work for the foreseeable future and I get fewer assignments because my biggest clients (tourism, events) haven’t been able to resume activities—travel restrictions to Canada are still in place along with a two-week quarantine when entering Canada and between several provinces/territories. Ottawa feels like a ghost town with plenty of “for lease” signs. Big and small businesses are filing for bankruptcy. I ended up comforting my accountant, the other day—that’s how bad the economy is.

I’m also worried about mental health. I’m bracing myself for the day I’m going to have to tell Mark schools are being shut down again—he loves grade 3 so far. My in-laws don’t want to see him anymore, which is a decision I respect but he’s going to miss them since they were his only contacts outside school. I’m scared of the future and I’m tired of dealing with uncertainty.

But I’m trying, I’m really trying. Right now, I can fake normalcy. Mark is going to school, I’m working a bit, I can see friends, go out, shop and get around. Life is pretty boring but reasonably safe and productive.

I need it to stay this way for a bit.

Please.  

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10 Comments

  1. Marion September 24, 2020 at 4:43 am

    Oh cool that you can buy “reusable marks everywhere” !! 😀 It is how you get yours replaced? Ahah. Just bringing a bit of fun over your typo mistake. I guess you are used to type Mark more often than mask and hoping it will stay this way!
    Go away pandemic!! I’m on your side 😉

    Reply
    1. I Say Oui September 24, 2020 at 8:15 am

      Hahaha. He’s cute, I wonder where you can find them!

      Reply
      1. Zhu September 24, 2020 at 11:11 pm

        I don’t know how other people can get their own Mark, but for us, it took Feng and I and a trip to Mexico and Central America 😆

        Reply
    2. Zhu September 24, 2020 at 11:11 pm

      😆 Thank you for noticing it and thank you for making me laugh! I can’t tell you *how many times* I make this mistake. I also love to tease Mark going “so… any question… Mark?” (question mark).

      How is life for you these days?

      Reply
  2. Martin Penwald September 27, 2020 at 2:56 am

    To prevent a surge during the december holidays, I’ve seen a proposition of preventive lockdown between 1 and 20 december. But it will depend of how the situation evolves until then.

    Reply
    1. Zhu September 27, 2020 at 11:29 pm

      Just read it in Le Monde!

      Is there an option “I don’t really like my relatives that much and don’t plan to feast with them at Christmas”? 😆

      Reply
  3. Cara September 30, 2020 at 3:30 am

    Wow, 75% of Canadians would approve of a lockdown ? I don’t think it’s the case here.
    For now, everything is still open here, except for nightclubs in some cantons. Life is almost as normal, except for face masks and hand sanitizers… for now.
    PS: I love the picture of you in a tree !

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 1, 2020 at 2:58 am

      Ah ah, thank you! Took it last WE, last hot day here.

      Another limited lockdown is now in effect in Montreal for a month, we’ll see what Ontario decides. Honestly, I don’t think we’re going anywhere with that. I mean, things will get better during the lockdown and then go up again once restrictions are lifted, been there done that.

      Reply
  4. Lexie October 1, 2020 at 11:12 am

    It’s gonna be okay, on va réussir à passer à travers. Mais je comprends tes inquiétudes et votre situation. Est-ce que Feng voit lui même ses parents? Pourrais-tu reprendre un travail de traductrice en entreprise ou au gouvernement, même temporairement?

    Reply
    1. Zhu October 1, 2020 at 11:23 pm

      At this stage it just doesn’t make sense for me to apply for full-time positions (and frankly, I really don’t want to, I love my job and current clients). I’m trying to go with the flow and see if projects are given the green light again. It’s uncertainties killing my job more than anything else. Some of my clients are operating normally but everybody is freaking out every time there’s the threat of another lockdown because this time, they probably won’t make it.

      Reply

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