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Tag - Clueless Parenting

Ottawa, October 2019

The Wizard’s Challenge

Mark is chatty. When he starts talking about movies, bad guys and other favourite topics, you’re in for a monologue—he could write a longer The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Mark, 2019

Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

I bet I’ve never mentioned that Mark’s real father is a superhero and that my other child is a world-famous YouTuber.

Our New Tuesday Evening Phobia

Tuesdays are now known as the “six mots” day, a weekly homework writing exercise a native French speaker and skilled translator/copywriter/proofreader is struggling to complete.

The Slippers

Parents are often asked if they start feeling like a mother and a father the second they see their newborn—does a kid feel like his parents’ child the moment he is held for the first time?

That Night, Six Years Ago

Happy birthday, Mark. You’ve been looking forward to being 6 for almost a year now. No, we can’t pretend you’re ten. Sorry.

Summer Camps? A+, Canada!

Mark gives me a weird look, one that says, “I can’t take you seriously as a mother if you’ve never had a freaking marshmallow”.

Penises and Vulvae 101

Thanks to me French upbringing, I’ve been blessed with the ability to say “penis,” “vulva” and “vagina” without giggling or blushing. I can answer any question.

The First Millennial Trophy

“Mommy! Look what I’ve got! METAL!” “Metal?” “No, medal!” Mark shouts, barging in to my room. “Everybody got one. I won a medal! Did I do well?” he asks eagerly. I’m stumped. Oh, fuck me. It’s almost...

I’m Bad (You Know)

Sometimes, I say ONE thing ONCE and it will be remembered forever. Problem is, I never know what will stick with Mark. If I did, parenting would be easier, right?

The Notes

It takes me a second to realize that Mark snuck into my bedroom again. I smile.

Question Mark

Mark’s big questions always come out of the blue—even though I’m pretty sure he has been thinking about them for hours—and they often start with an assertion statement.